Alexithymia

14

HBP- YR6

<ASHLYNN POV>

The moment we got back to school, everything became too overwhelming. The weight of what I needed to do was drowning me and not even the smell of the feast or the sight of Potter walking in with blood dripping down his face could lighten that.

The burning on my arm was constant and the room, as large as it was, felt suffocating with all the joyful students. Draco sat across from me, looking tense, but still rather normal and functioning. The rest of the Slytherins chattered away, unaware of the destiny two of their housemates had been tied to.

I need a drink.

The halls were empty since everyone was still at the welcome feast in the Great hall. I staggered along the corridors, with the moon as my companion.

"I knew it." There was a voice laced with pity and disappointment.

Hermione stood in the middle of the hall, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Twenty points from Slytherin for wandering the halls inebriated," She walked forwards and snatched my bottle away from me.

"Swot off, Granger." I groaned. The sight of her busy hair hurt my eyes.

"And ten points for that. Honestly Selwyn, you're usually more put together than this. What happened?" She eyed me wearily.

"That's a loaded question." I slurred, sliding to the floor against the wall and conjuring another bottle despite Hermione's protest. Tonight I felt like sharing more than I knew was smart.

"My sister's dead. But you already knew that." I blurted, noticing how Hermione tensed. Hell, anyone would be uncomfortable after that. Especially since I know she was there when it happened. "My father was killed by stupid, raging death eaters and now I can't find my mum. I'm always in some kind of pain, and the alcohol is the only thing that's helping right now so please excuse me and my unorthodox coping mechanisms."

I felt the tears pooling in my eyes and refused to give her a second look. I couldn't tell if she wore an expression of disgust or pity or some mad combination of both.

However, at this moment it felt really good to get things off my chest and I wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon.

"Get me out." I half sobbed, the liquor becoming too strong. "I don't want to do it." The feeling of the cold Manor floor against my cheek was burned into my memory.

"Do what?" She questioned, looking at me like I was a crazed escapee from Azkaban.

I couldn't breathe. I kept trying and trying, but no matter how much air I took in, I still couldn't breathe.

"Help me. Please. Please, please, please." I begged, lowering my head to my knees and hugging myself as if it would give me comfort.

Occlude. Occlude.

My emotions were getting too strong but the lousy alcohol was getting through my system and wouldn't let me suppress anymore.

"Ashlynn, what the-"

"Granger."

Hermione's head perked up at the sound of the new voice and she shuddered in dismay.

"Malfoy."

"Leave. I can take care of this." He spoke, while crouching down in front of me and resting the back of his hand to my forehead. His hand was cold and calming which made me cry a little harder.

"Draco-" I wailed, "I wanna go home."

"I can take her to the hospital wing." Hermione stepped forward, ready to fight Draco.

"No need." He spat at her, then carefully unwrapped my arms, looped them around his neck and pulled me up. My face buried further into the crevice of his neck muffling my sniffles and he sighed once I was safely in his grasp.