Alexithymia

17

"Harry!" Dumbledore exclaimed as we walked through the entrance to his office. "Ms. Granger, Ms. Selwyn."

"A tad bit late for an office visit, don't you think, my boy?"

"Sorry Professor, but Selwyn-"

"Ah yes, Ms. Selwyn. I do believe you have something to tell me." He paused, mid stroke of his beard, "Or show me."

Potter let go of my arm now that there was nowhere for me to run and gave me a light push forward.

"Professor, I-"

"You have the mark, don't you?"

"How did he know?" I heard Hermione whisper to Potter, who simply shrugged, eyes never leaving me.

"Show him," Potter demanded, tense with rage. "Show him, or I will."

I bit the inside of my cheek and pulled up my sleeve just enough for Dumbledore to identify the mark. "I didn't want this, I swear, but he caught me when we were trying to escape. It was the only way."

My voice trembled and I pulled my sleeve back down. "He would've killed me."

He sighed, "Tom's apparently now turning children into soldiers. I presume there are others."

Occlude. Occlude.

"Professor Dumbledore," Hermione squeaked, "You can't expel Ashlynn, she'll be in danger."

"Who said anything about an expulsion?" He signaled to the room and pulled up three chairs, motioning us to sit. "Do not panic, Ms. Selwyn. I am here to help you."

"Who else has received the mark?" He frowned.

"I can't-" My voice quivered and I had to twist my hands together to stop the shaking. "I don't know."

"It's Malfoy." Potter interrupted. "I saw them. If she has the mark- so does he."

"We don't know that, Harry." Hermione hissed.

"He's not-" I snapped.

"Settle down, children." Dumbledore commanded.

His office magically conjured a door, which he opened. It was small, with only a bed and another door that led to a separate bathroom.

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to stay here for the remainder of the night, Ms.Selwyn. Although this was something I expected, we'll deal with this tomorrow morning. I can't risk having you run off in the middle of the night."

I nodded. It was better than being expelled.

"Harry, Ms.Granger, please return to your rooms."

Potter looked like he wanted to argue more, but I could see the bags forming under his eyes due to his constant lack of sleep.

"Actually, Professor," Hermione started, "Is it alright if I stay too?"

Dumbledore's eyebrow raised. He glanced at me and I gave a quick nod.

"Very well," He said, and the bed split and doubled into two.

"Wha-" Potter exclaimed. "She can't- Hermione! What if she tries to kill you?"

"Then she would've last night."

"Merlin- I'm not a bloodthirsty murderer, Potter." Honestly, I was slightly offended.

"I will summon you tomorrow, Harry, along with Severus. We have much to discuss, but it is well into the night and you all look like you could use some much needed sleep."

"Please, Harry, refrain from telling Mr.Weasley and anyone else about this." He said, pushing Potter out the door and Hermione and I into the room, closing the door.

I sat on one of the beds, crossing my legs and wearily glancing at Hermione.

"Thank you." I muttered before crawling under the sheets and flicking off the lights.

Hermione's soft voice saying goodnight was the last thing I heard.

I begged for a dreamless sleep, but it never came. Instead, I laid there staring at the wall, trying to think of all the possible outcomes where I wouldn't come out dead.

—

It was an understatement to say that Professor Snape did not look very pleased to see me.

"May I have a word with you, Miss Selwyn?" He glanced at Potter and sneered, "Alone."

Potter was dragged out of the room despite his protests, courtesy of Hermione.

"Albus," Snape drawled, motioning to Dumbledore's desk, "The potion."

"Ah, yes, let me see..." He started ruffling through his drawers, pulling out different bottles, all filled with different colors of liquid.

Finally he pulled out one that was a glimmering, blood-like red and carefully inspected it.

"I believe this is the one, Severus."

"I highly doubt you were aware of this, Ashlynn, but Annika was a member of the order."

"She was?" I frowned. I always knew Annika had her secrets, but I wish she had shared this one with me- not that it would've changed anything.

"Yes, she joined a few months before she received her mark."

"Wait," I rubbed my forehead, trying to piece together all my newly learned information. "If she was a member of the order, why did Sirius kill her?"

Snape brushed off an invisible lint off his cloak. "That was a cover. She fell while trying to save him."

He paused before plucking the vial from Dumbledore. "Before her untimely passing, she was working on a potion."

"She managed to achieve success in brewing a potion that would render the dark mark useless. Once drunk, the person's dark mark would no longer be responsive. However, she only managed to brew one and we haven't discovered how to recreate it. Under normal circumstances, it would be smart to keep it, reverse engineer it, figure out how she made it, but it was her wish that you were to have it if ever found in a similar situation."

Snape shared a glance with Dumbledore and placed the vial in my hand.

"She wanted you to have a way out."

At a closer look, the liquid had flecks of black and silver in it.

"It's up to you if you want to use it or not, but the moment you take it, the mark will act as if your life has ended. Voldemort will think you're dead."

Dumbledore and Snape shared another pitiful look before the old professor spoke to me again. "Finish the task that you were commanded. We don't expect you to defy Voldemort's orders and get yourself killed. You are, after all, just a child."

I thanked the professors, and walked out, clutching the vial to my chest. Potter was waiting outside the door, Hermione long gone.

"I don't trust you, but Dumbledore believes you, so I'll give you a chance." He glared at me before stalking off and bumping into Draco on the way. The two exchanged a rather nasty look.

"Watch where you're going, Potter." He spat.

I pocketed the vial as Draco pulled me off to class.