SELFISH •L.B•

44

MARIAH

"So like, how exactly does this work? Do I just sit here and talk while you take notes orrr?"

I looked at the lady sitting across from me, and she widely smiled at me, frantically nodding her head. Are therapists usually this happy? I'd learned her name was "Dr Ellores", but for some reason she wanted me to call her Diane.

Diane- Yes. I use those notes to observe you, and to determine what illness you might have.

Illness?? I JUST met this lady and she already thinks I'm not right in the head. I mean, she's not wrong but damn.

Mariah- Okay?

Diane- Have you ever done this before?

I scoffed, remembering what happened last time I opened up to a stranger. He lied to me.

Mariah- Yeah, once at school. But then the next day a social worker came to my door claiming to be from Child Protective Services. She made me move into Lavar Ball's house. So I never talked to the school counselor ever again. Snitchin ass.

The lady nodded her head, hitting something down on her little notepad. It felt a little passive aggressive, you know what I mean?

Diane- And how old were you when this happened?

Mariah- Um, I'd just turned fifteen.

She let out a giggle, like some shit was supposed to be funny. I wasn't laughing, so what the fuck was so freaking funny?

Diane- Well that's why. High school counselors are supposed to report any suspected case of child abuse or neglect, because they're all minors.

Ain't that bout a bitch?

Mariah- So, since I'm over eighteen now, anything I tell you stays between us? Like, you won't snitch and go to the cops right?

I've had my fair share of snitches in my life. It's why I'm sitting here right now, talking to this overly happy lady who Evoni recommended.

Diane- No, I won't snitch. I'm only required to report to the authorities if you plant to harm someone or yourself.

Oh, then that makes me feel a whole lot better. I still didn't know if I could 100% trust this lady, but I might as well try.

Mariah- What if I'm the one being harmed? Do you report it then?

Diane- No, because you're a legal adult. You can make your own choices. However, we're starting to run out of time.

I sat up, not believing her. I swear that was only like five minutes.

Mariah- Seriously? How?

Diane- You spent the first fifty minutes just staring at me.

Yeah, that was true. I mean, I didn't know what to say to her. You can imagine why I'd be skeptical if a therapist, because that school counselor really fucked me over.

Mariah- So like, how often are you coming here?

I don't know how much money Gelo was paying this woman to speak to me, but it definitely wasn't worth it.

Diane- I'll be here everyday at two, except on weekends, until you don't need me anymore.

Now that sounded sad as fuck. This would take months, because I knew I had a lot of trauma and emotional baggage.

Mariah- What if I need you for the rest of my life?

Diane- Then I'll be here. As long as you need me I'll always be there.

That's the sweetest thing anyones ever said to me. I know it was her job, but still. Bouta make a real one cry.

Diane- However, we're out of time. So I'll see you tomorrow. Hopefully you can open up a bit more and we'll be able to dive into the root of your problems.

a/n
ngl this book is getting kinda long.
should i make a separate one or just keep everything in here like i'm doing now?