If Only They Knew (Book 1.5) (AU Series) - INTERSEX

Chapter Thirteen

She slowly walks to me and hovers her hand a few inches from the scar. Her eyes look up at me, questioning if she can touch. I nod, and her fingers run over the raised skin. I inhale deeply holding my breath as I allow someone, for the first time, to touch me along one of my greatest insecurities.

"No, Valiana," she whispers. 

I exhale. "Deleena? You already said yes!"

"That's before I knew you had a heart condition!"

"It's not a condition anymore. I'm healthy," I try to reason.

"This will exhaust your heart. I can't." She starts to walk away, and I grab her wrist.

"It happened when I was two months old!" I say getting pissed off. She removes my grip.

"Valé, you had open-heart surgery!" I clench my fist and close my eyes again trying to control my anger. I might be quiet, but I can be a hothead like Mama Josie when I can't get my way, or something angers me. I breathe deeply and count to three before releasing my fist.

I opened my eyes and they bore into her brown orbs. "I am not weak," I say calmly. "Please do not treat me as so. I can handle myself. So, trust me when I say... I will be okay."

Her expression softens. "I do not think you are weak," she says softly. It's almost inaudible, but I hear her. Her hands rub my cheek trying to calm my vexation.

"Okay. Then let's continue. Teach me." She hesitantly nods before leading me back to the bed. I sit in the middle and watch her next to me. She crawls onto the bed and lifts herself above me. I watch as she gently glides her silk robe on either side of her legs, sitting on top of my cotton robe. She is now inches from my face, and the smell of cinnamon fills my nose.

I don't know where to put my hands, and I don't want to touch her prematurely. So, I place them by my side, propping myself up. I grab the black collar again, and she looks down at my hand, smiling.

"I see you picked a collar." She takes it from me and wraps it around my neck.

"Yeah, sorry, I just liked it."

"Stop apologizing. You have done nothing wrong...yet." She raises an eyebrow, "I need to know your safe words."

I think for a second. I guess I could go with the common ones I read. "Green, Yellow, Red?"

She smirks, "Did the book tell you to say that?" I smile and nod.

"Okay, and each means?"

"I thought that was obvious."

"Val, this isn't as simple as you think. I have had many subs, and each one has different things that make them unique. But I have never had a sub that knew absolutely nothing. So, I'm trying to protect you. As best as I can."

"Okay." I whisper, "Green means I'm good to keep going. Yellow, slow down, or readjust. Red means stop. Completely." She smiles and nods.

"Any hard limits?" How am I supposed to know? I've never tried anything to even know my limits.

"I...I don't know," I say, shameful. She lifts my chin.

"That's okay. We can explore, and any time there is something you don't like, you say that." I nod.

"How does this work?" I finally ask.

"Well," she says, untying my robe. Her eyes roam to the scar again, and she's hesitant but visibly pushes the thought back. "Since you do not know whether you are submissive or dominant, we will explore both paths." I feel her soft hands against my heated skin as she slowly pushes the robe off my shoulder. "But you...my vanilla bean, are still pure...and that needs to change."