If Only They Knew (Book 1.5) (AU Series) - INTERSEX

Chapter Fifteen

After my last class, I drove home and tossed myself on my bed. None of my parents are home. Neither are any of my siblings. I needed some peace and quiet though. I toss my small basketball in the air remembering this weekend. Honestly, it's been the only thing on my mind.

Me blowing up on her was uncalled for both times, but she frustrates me so much. Why continue to say yes... but then turn around and say no. I know a person can revoke their consent at any time, but this is different. I would respect her decision more if she was to say no and leave it at that.

But don't kiss me back. Don't take my journal because you'd rather I pay attention to you. Don't make alluring comments at me just to end the sentence with ThIs ISn't HaPPenINg AgaIN. Her juxtaposition causes my head to spin. It's like poking a bear with a stick and not expecting it to maul your face off. Well, in this case, I'd rather suck her face off. But as she says, ThIs ISn't HaPPenINg AgaIN.

I roll my eyes at my own thoughts, and they land on my journal. It sits on my desk, and I see a thin purple sticky note. The kind one uses to mark pages. I sit up and reach for it. When I open it, my writing is at the top of the page where I started in her class.

𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝑑𝑜 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑙𝑎𝑠𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ ℎ𝑒𝑟? 𝑆𝑒𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔. 𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜 𝑖𝑠 ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛. 𝐹𝑒𝑒𝑙 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑒. 𝑂𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑖𝑝𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑒. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑦 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑚𝑡ℎ 𝑤𝑟𝑎𝑝𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑦...

I never got to finish because she snatched it away. There is a bright lilac pen written where I left off.

𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝑑𝑜 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑙𝑎𝑠𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ ℎ𝑒𝑟? 𝑆𝑒𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑖𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒. 𝐻𝑒𝑟 𝑐𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 ℎ𝑎𝑧𝑒𝑙 𝑒𝑦𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑖𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 all 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑐𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑒.

𝐴𝑙𝑙 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜 𝑖𝑠 ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛. 𝐹𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑣𝑒, 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑤, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑚𝑒. 𝑂𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑖𝑝𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑠 𝑜𝑛𝑒. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑒 𝑢𝑝 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑒. 𝐴𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑒ℎ𝑒𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡, 𝐼'𝑙𝑙 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑦 𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑎 𝑝𝑎𝑤𝑛, 𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑒. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑎 𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑐𝑘 𝑓𝑢𝑐𝑘, 𝑜𝑟 𝑎 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑐𝑘𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑓𝑓 𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑎𝑠 𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑠 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢. 𝐷𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑑𝑜𝑢𝑏𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡.

𝐷𝑒 <3

The thumping of my chest reaches my ears as my palms grow sweaty to her inscribed message. I look up then back down at the letter. She took my journal and wrote in it. I want to be offended that she might have read my secrets, but something tells me that I should trust that she didn't. That this was the only page she read and mainly because it was left open when she took it. I run my fingers along the ink marks and smile.