If Only They Knew (Book 1.5) (AU Series) - INTERSEX

Chapter Forty-Seven

Valiana

As I drive Deleena back to her place in an uncomfortable silence, I think about the night's events. After the family beat Rayden's ass for treating Malia poorly and ruining movie night, Deleena decided to return home instead of staying with my parents as I expected. Although my parents wanted us to stay with them for safety reasons, given that it was one in the morning, De insisted on going back to her place. I'm not sure why she made that decision, especially since she usually enjoys spending time with my family, having grown up without a large family of her own.

I find myself uncertain about whether or not to ask her if she's okay. I don't want to irritate her or cause her to become upset, as that often leads to angry sex. Throughout the entire movie, I had been feeling unwell. It wasn't a persistent pain, but it would hurt whenever I breathed deeply.

"How come you were with Malia in the hospital earlier?" she asks, her eyes wide with interest. I catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye but quickly return my gaze to the road.

"I went in because I was having some discomfort, but the doctor said it was just trapped gas." I don't want to tell her about my heart because she will tell my parents. 

I can see her wrestling with herself about something. "So it wasn't for Malia?" she asks. I'm confused as to why I'd be at the hospital for Malia. Malia was fine, wasn't she? If anything were wrong with my best friend, I'm sure I'd notice. 

I recall that Malia left school two days ago due to cramps and feeling unwell. Strangely, the only reason I know this is because Ray mentioned she was glad Mini had left school that day. It's puzzling, considering Malia and Ray are in different grades and only interact during passing periods and lunchtime. Malia never disclosed why she visited the clinic, but it's likely that her symptoms were just caused by menstrual cramps.

"No, why would I be there for Malia?" I make a right turn under the lights.

"You do realize she hasn't been feeling well, don't you?" her voice sounds odd. I get the impression she knows more than she's letting on, but I am closer to Malia than she is. Malia would tell me if something was wrong.

"It was most likely just bad food. If there was something wrong, Malia would have told me. I'll speak to her tomorrow, though. I have to apologize for tonight anyway." I take a left onto the gravel road that leads to her house. "Why? Did she say something?"

"No, Valiana." she looks out the window, and it gets quiet again for a few minutes.

"What brought you to the hospital?" I recall her saying she'd tell me later.

"Oh, just a gynecologist appointment. Nothing to worry about."

I suspect she's lying but decide not to press the issue. If it had been just a gynecologist appointment, she would've told me while we were there. She rushes out of the car and into the house as soon as I pull up. Before going inside, I turn off the car and lock the doors. When I make it to our room, I hear her in the bathroom.

I go into the closet to put on a new pair of boxers, a long shirt, and take off my bra. When I approach the mirror, I lift my shirt to examine my scar.

I didn't notice De sneaking up on me while I was deep in thought. She stands behind me, staring in the mirror at my body. Her hands slowly rub across my chest, allowing them to caress my breasts. She gradually begins to pinch my nipples before going further. Her fingertips trail down my abs, tracing every line between them. She slips her hand through my waistband, down my boxers towards my dick. It's soft as she takes it in her palm and gradually begins stroking it, but I still don't get hard. My chest begins to ache once more. When she realizes her hand isn't doing much, she pushes me to the side and kneels on her knees in front of me. 

 "Can I?" she whispers. I just nod, hoping the pain will go away. She continues attending to me, but still no luck. 

"Uh, babe?" I interrupt her, and she looks up at me, waiting for me to speak. "Can we not tonight? I'm just tired and not feeling good." Her face falls and I instantly feel terrible. "Baby, I'm sorry." 

"It's fine." She quickly rises from her knees and stands on her tiptoes to kiss me. Once she gets her kiss, she gives me a sweet grin which eases my worries. "Do you need me to get you anything?" 

"No, all I want to do tonight is lie down and hold you close." I pull up my boxers and lead us to the bed. Climbing in, I turn to see her still standing at the foot of the bed. I take a good look at her and notice she put on one of my shirts, looking as adorable as ever. I open my arms to allow her to crawl in and cuddle into my chest. 

When she finally lies down, we remain silent. My mind starts to drift to how I'm going to tell my parents about my heart, especially Mama Jo. Mama always felt that my heart condition was her fault. It's not, but she feels like it is. 

 "Do you want children?" She asks timidly as she fiddles with my fingertips. I realize she's slipping into little space. I ponder her question for a while. 

"Maybe, but not right now. I'm still really young. How about you?" I begin to twirl her hair. She snuggles closer into my chest. 

"Yeah, I would," she nods. 

"Would you want kids with me?" 

The question catches me off guard. Maybe she's ready to start a family? Is this the reason she was in the hospital? To discuss the surgery for a reversal? It would make sense. She has such a big house, so why not fill it with children? But if she wants them now, I don't know. 

I'm dying, and leaving her with a child would be selfish. I should've known that dating someone a little older would force me to move at their pace. I mean, she's still young, so it's most likely just a passing thought. 

"One day? Yeah. If I had kids now, I'd have to drop out of college and work with my dad and Cam. Do you want kids now?" I ask, looking up at the ceiling. College was more for fun and to fill my free time, I don't necessarily need it. 

"I'm just curious." She quickly shuts down the question I asked. I watch her fiddle with my fingers as the wheels in her head continue to turn. "What would you name them... if we had kids?" 

"I'd never considered names before," I respond truthfully. I never imagined I'd get this far in life, and just when I thought I was doing well, the universe decided to humble me. 

 "Zoey or Dezi." 

"Life and Yearning." Those names made sense in relation to our lives. I was trying to survive, and she yearned for a family. All I felt was a subtle nod then I assumed she fell asleep, and I soon followed.