Tolerate It || l.s ✓

Chapter 10

Harry was sat on his own at lunch today. He has decided to sit in the corner of the staffroom, coming in after everyone else so their group had already formed.

He made himself as small as possible, not really wanting to have to face any interaction. He was texting Zayn when his phone started to ring.

Everybody looked around momentarily as Harry blushed, cursing himself for not having put it on silent.

"Hey Gem." He answered quietly.

"H, mum's in hospital."

"What?" Harry frowned, "why? What's happened? Is she okay?"

"Accidental overdose. She's stable now but they're going to keep her in for a day or two I think. I think you should come see her."

"I'm working Gemma."

"I know, but this may be one of very few opportunities. She can't run away here. It seems like she's getting worse, don't you feel like you should visit her whilst you still can?" She paused, "I don't want to make you feel guilty H, I just know how you'd react if something happened. After today, you would never have to see her again."

"Is she dying?" Harry muttered, "is it all catching up with her?"

"I don't know Harry. I just don't want you to regret not seeing her."

"If I left now would I make it in time for the visiting hours?"

"Yeah, you would."

"Okay. Okay, I'll leave now. I just gotta get someone to cover my class, then I'll leave."

"Alright H, I'm sorry." Gemma apologised and Harry just nodded as she hung up though she couldn't see him.

Harry stood up, quietly gathering his stuff together and leaving the room.

"Are you okay?" Louis was immediately on his trail.

"Can you find someone to cover for me for the rest of the day and possibly for tomorrow?" Harry responded instead.

"I can, yeah. What's wrong?"

"I've got to visit my mum."

"How far is that? You seem a bit shaken up." Louis looked concerned, and when Harry stopped in his classroom to gather the rest of his stuff he realised that he was indeed a little shaken up.

"Couple of hours."

"Are you alright to drive? If you need to I'm sure I can drive you." 

Louis absolutely could not drive him. He couldn't see just how awful Harry's life was.

"I'm okay to drive. Honest. Thank you though."

//

Harry practically hid behind Gemma as they entered the hospital room. His mum was lying in the bed, and Harry's tummy turned as he saw her for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Her eyes were sunken and lifeless, her skin was dull, and her hair was matted. She had lost enough weight to almost be unrecognisable. Harry felt sick.

"Mum." He managed to say and she turned to look at him.

She didn't say anything, just looked away. Harry glanced at Gemma who reached out to squeeze his hand reassuringly.

"I've missed you mum."

"Don't act like it, do you?" She looked him up and down.

"I've been busy." He said feebly.

"Too busy to visit the woman who raised you?" She glared. "Some fucking son you are."

"I drove 2 hours to see you today. I left halfway through work." Harry gulped, wanting to add that she only raised him until he was 11. After that he had to fend for himself with Gemma's help.

"You're a fucking awful son." She spat, "awful. You don't care about anyone but yourself."

"This is why I don't fucking try." Harry stated, "this is why I don't try mum. Everytime I see you you're horrible to me. It hurts me to see you like this but I can't stay around someone who makes me hate myself. I hope you can finally find it in yourself to go to rehab or something so you stop being such a fucking heartless woman. I'm sorry, I've got to go." Harry swallowed the lump in his throat, tears glazing over his eyes

"Harry-" Gemma followed him out of the room.

Harry turned to her, "what?" He spoke abruptly.

"I'm sorry." She embraced him in a hug, "I thought maybe she'd be different."

"She hates me." He crumpled against her. "There's no point in me trying with her. Everytime I talk to her she doesn't fail to remind me how fucking awful I am as a person. I'm fucking over it."

"I'm sorry for dragging you up here. You're welcome to stay at mine for the night if you want."

"Can I go there now please?" Harry looked around, the nauseating smell of the hospital suddenly burning his nostrils.

"Of course. You've still got your key right?" She rested her hand on his arm as  she looked him in the eyes.

"Yeah. Yeah I do." He nodded, eyes flickering to the floor.

"Alright. Michal shouldn't be home yet so let yourself in. I'm sure Rosie will be happy to see you."

"I hope so."

//

Harry stepped through the door, immediately being greeted by a wagging tail.

"Hey Rosie!" Harry perked up a little, putting on a happier persona. "How are you? I've not seen you on a while, have I?" He crouched down, lowering his head as he allowed her to sniff him.

He slipped off his shoes, sitting down and opening his arms. Rosie jumped onto him and he wrapped his arms around her in a very much needed hug. He buried his face into her fur and she stilled, nuzzling against him.

Harry loved how animals could always feel when others needed comfort and how they lacked judgement. Rosie had sat with him through some of his worst times and he treasured her for that.

If it wasn't morally wrong he would definitely take her home with him.

"Rosie darling, if I go to bed will you come lie with me? I'd like to talk to you." Harry pulled back.

Rosie whined, leaning forward to lick Harry's face. Harry took that as a yes, standing up as Rosie followed him upstairs.

He flopped onto the bed, the dog jumping next to him. "I really want to hurt myself right now." He muttered and Rosie whined again, pressing herself against him. "I know, I can't. Can't leave you here, can I? You'd scratch at the bloody door." Harry laughed dejectedly, breathing in shakily in attempt to stop any tears from falling.

"You know I'm really not doing well Rose. Everything feels shit all the time. It's just the same old really isn't it? I just don't see much point. And mum hates me. Why does mum hate me? What have I ever done wrong? God, I think I might go to sleep now." Harry groaned, reaching over to switch off the light. He didn't bother with getting undressed, too tired and too upset to have the energy to do anything.

"Thanks you." Harry said, burying his hands in Rosie's fur as he shut his eyes.