Tolerate It || l.s ✓

Chapter 29

Everything had calmed down. Jake hadn't shown his face in almost 2 weeks, and Harry felt as though he was able to relax again.

"Have you seen this?" Louis leaned against the doorframe of Harry's classroom, holding up a poster.

"What is it?" Harry looked up from his marking.

"School trip to France. Both History and English teachers wanted to supervise. Wanna come?" Louis widened his eyes, pouting as he made a puppy-dog face.

"When is it?" Harry turned around in his chair, scooting over to Louis and making him laugh.

"Mid July, so around a month and a half away. The kids get time to themselves which means us teachers will too. I could do with someone to explore with."

"If you go, I'll go." Harry nodded.

"Well then, Mr Styles, it looks like we're going to France." Louis grinned, scribbling their names down. "Right, I probably ought to put this back up on the notice board before I get done for theft."

"Well, this is exciting." Harry grinned, "and also an odd way to start a Wednesday morning."

"I'll see you at break in the staffroom, yeah?" Louis smiled back and Harry nodded.

"Yeah, I'll see you then."

//

"Girls, can you please get into the classroom and settle down." Louis sighed. "I'm sure whatever is on your phones can't be that interesting." He looked inside at his classroom, full of kids huddled around phones, talking loudly.

The two girls ignored him, just looking more closely at their phones.

"Girls, what is that on your phones? What's everyone looking at?" Louis said in exasperation.

"It's Mr Styles, sir." One of the girls said and Louis frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"Look, everyone's got this photo. It was posted to the school Instagram." The phone was held out and Louis slowly took it.

It was a photo of Harry, sat topless with tears streaming down his face, and his arms outstretched. It was the first time that Louis had seen Harry without any bracelets or sleeves covering his forearms, and now he could see why. Fresh cuts and old scars littered both arms, some red and angry whilst some were nothing more than pale raised lines.

"Fuck," Louis couldn't help but mutter as he felt a feeling of sickness rise within his stomach, "fuck. Sorry." He immediately apologised. "Jesus, okay. Please don't share these around, please don't. I just, um, okay. I'm sure they already know but could one of you go and show someone on the Head of House office and get them to remove it? Whilst you're there, ask for someone to cover your class."

The pair nodded and Louis took off down the hall, pushing through the crowds of gossiping students and immediately checking Harry's classroom. To no surprise it was empty, and Louis wondered for how long had that post been up.

He tried calling Harry's phone as he ran to his car but got no answer. He tried once more, but still got no reply. He soon enough reached his car, jumping in.

//

"Harry!" Louis knocked urgently on the front door, "Harry!"

After 3 minutes of impatient waiting he called again, texting Harry the same thing. "I'm coming in."

He went around the back, lifting the flowerpot up and fishing out the key. He unlocked the backdoor, heading straight upstairs.

"Harry." Louis repeated, knocking on Harry's bedroom door.

"What?" A quiet voice snapped back, "what the hell are you doing here?"

"Can I come in hun?" Louis asked softly.

"Why the fuck not? I'm sure you've already fucking seen everything."

Louis opened the door, stepping inside the bedroom and tearing up as he spotted Harry on the bed.

His face was red and puffy and his eyes were glazed over, with tear tracks down his cheeks. The tears were still spilling, dripping off of his face and soaking his top. Harry was sat with a short sleeved top on, his bracelets scattered around the room as if they had been thrown.

His arms were dotted with blood, however it wasn't as though he had been cutting, it was more as though he had been aggressively scratching at his skin.

"Darling-" Louis started but Harry cut him off.

"Just go back to work Louis. I don't fucking need you to be here. I'm fine on my own." He sniffed, wiping at his face furiously. "I don't need your fucking sympathy and I don't need your fucking help. I don't need anyone."

"Look, I'm not going to leave you, okay?" Louis sat down next to Harry. "I know you say you don't need anyone but I think you do."

"I don't, just fuck off!" He sobbed, collapsing into his hands, "you've seen my fucking cuts now, you can go."

"Stop it Harry, stop it. You're not a fucking zoo attraction. I'm here to look after you, not oggle at you."

"The whole fucking school knows Louis, the whole fucking school! I'm going to be a fucking zoo attraction!" He tugged at his hair and Louis gently took his trembling hand, stopping him from repeating the action. "Nobody knew, nobody knew for like 10 fucking years and I don't know how but they didn't and now everyone knows. People have no right to know how fucking much I'm hurting and now they know."

"It's not fair, H. It's not fair." Louis frowned, taking Harry's other hand and holding them in his own.

"I can't breathe." Harry was shaking violently, "I can't- I can't-" He ripped his hands out of Louis's grip, scratching violently at his arms.

"Okay, okay. It's okay." Louis hugged Harry, holding him against his chest as he breathed slowly, hoping Harry would follow his actions. "You're going to be okay."

Harry clung to Louis desperately and Louis rocked them from side to side. He whispered soothing words in Harry's ear, pressing soft kisses to his curls.

After a while the sobs subsided and Harry stopped shaking.

"I'm no different than my mum." He choked out, not lifting his head from Louis's shoulder.

"What?" Louis frowned.

"She's addicted to drugs and I'm addicted to fucking cutting myself and I know I say I don't but I smoke far too much. I'm just like her, she's fucking self destructive and I am too." He tried to pull away but Louis kept holding him and Harry didn't protest.

"You're nothing like your mum. She's a horrible person, and you're the sweetest person I know. Look, just because I know about this, it doesn't mean I perceive you to be a completely different person. You're still Harry."

"But I'm not the Harry that I want you to think I am. I don't want to be me, I don't want people to see me as me!"

"I wish you weren't so harsh on yourself H, you're one of the best people in my life and this isn't going to change that." Louis sighed.