Tolerate It || l.s ✓

Chapter 38

bit of an earlier update than the usual but I don't wanna forget so pls keep the comments commenting

Louis nudged Harry's hand with his knuckle. Harry turned to look at Louis, his bottom lip held between his teeth.

"You okay?" Louis mouthed.

Harry nodded. Louis didn't believe him. He frowned, looking around at the group of students before back to Harry.

He leaned over, whispering in Harry's ear. "What's wrong?"

Harry shook his head, mouthing "nothing."

Louis raised an eyebrow.

Harry sighed, "need a cigarette." His voice was almost a breath.

"I think there's 5 minutes left of this talk." Louis told him, "then we can go off on our own for a bit."

Harry nodded, wiping his palms against his trousers. Louis took Harry's hand, stepping forwards in order to hide it. He squeezed Harry's hand gently and Harry's grip tightened around it.

As the talk drew to a close, the students split off into groups as they headed to lunch, leaving the teachers behind. The teachers all left to go for a meal, leaving Harry and Louis alone.

"Where do you want to go for lunch?" Louis asked Harry.

Harry shrugged, mumbling an "I don't know."

"How about we go to a pub? Then we can sit in the beer garden and have a smoke."

"Okay."

"Darling, what's wrong?" Louis frowned.

"Nothing's wrong Louis." Harry pursed his lips together, shaking his head. "Let's just go."

The two walked to the nearest pub in silence, Louis growing more and more concerned.

They sat on a table in the corner of the beer garden, ordering a bowl of chips and a cider each.

Harry placed a cigarette in his mouth, bringing the lighter up. It clicked a few times, yet no flame came out and Louis could sense Harry reaching the end of his tether. He shook the lighter before trying again, still getting no flame. Tears filled Harry's eyes and he threw the lighter down on the table.

Louis quickly took his own lighter out of his pocket, holding it up to Harry's mouth and lighting his cigarette with ease.

Harry thanked Louis quietly, taking the cigarette between two fingers of his shaky hand and letting out a puff of smoke.

"Darling, please. What's wrong?"

A single tear slipped down Harry's cheek, and as soon as it had the floodgates seemed to open. It was scary. Harry was so quiet, taking puffs from his cigarette as his hands tremored, whilst teardrops spilled down his face.

He shrugged, his eyes fixed on the wall behind Louis.

"Harry, you're scaring me. Please talk to me."

Harry didn't speak, instead he unlocked his phone and slid it across to Louis. Harry's mum had been texting him, and he had several notifications for missed calls.

"Has she been saying stuff?" Louis asked gently.

"She asked me to send her photos the other day. Read it."

Mum: fucking hell put on weight haven't
           you
Mum: you know nobody's gonna want you
            like that. Makes sense that your
            boyfriend left you
Mum: I can't believe you're walking
            around like that

Harry: you're horrible.

Mum: oh I'm sorry if I hurt your precious
            little feelings. Get over yourself
            Harry.

Harry: stop doing this stop trying to be
              in my life if all you're going to do
              is treat me like shit

Mum: I'm forced to be in your life. If your
            pathetic attempts to kill yourself
            work and I hadn't been in your life
            people would blame me

Harry: I'm glad to know that all you care
             about is your reputation. It's going
             to work and when it does I want
             you to stay away from my fucking
             funeral.

Mum: my pleasure. I'd rather be anywhere
            than somewhere where everybody
            is crying for no reason

Reading those texts made Louis feel sick to his stomach. Harry's mum treated him so awfully and Louis couldn't believe that she was related to the sweetest person to ever exist. His heart clenched at how Harry talked so easily about his death, and at how Harry's mum didn't seem to care at all.

"I don't want to kill myself at the minute." Harry whispered, "you've really helped me but I know that I'm going to want to soon enough."

Louis held Harry's spare hand across the table, encasing it with both his own.

"Just fucking hurts that she wouldn't care at all. Makes me feel like I'm not worth it."

"You're worth it Harry, you're so fucking worth it. She's a fucking pathetic, cold hearted bitch. And for the record, what she said about your appearance isn't true either. You're perfect, okay?"

"The problem is I don't know if she's saying it because she means it or just to get to me. She knows I had a fucking eating disorder before. I'm fine now, I've been fine for a while, and I never want to go back there but she-she's fuckin' cruel and-" Harry shook his head, inhaling deeply from the cigarette. He held it in for a moment before exhaling.

"Jesus Harry, you've been through so much." Louis shook his head in disbelief. "I'm so proud of you for fucking getting through all of this shit."

Harry squeezed Louis's hand in a silent thanks, keeping his head down as the chips and drinks arrived. Louis thanked the waitress, handing Harry his.

"I'm gonna assume we'll stay in tonight?"

"I'll stay in." Harry corrected. "You can go out. It's not fair for me to control what you do."

"It's my choice to stay with you. I don't like the other teachers. You're a much better person to spend my time with."

"You're too kind to me sometimes." Harry told him and Louis tutted.

"Nobody can be too kind to you."

Harry eventually put out the cigarette, replacing it with a chip instead. He chewed the chip for far too long, struggling to swallow it.

Louis took a couple of his own. He wanted Harry to see that it was okay to eat them all. He didn't want Harry to act on his mother's words.

"I don't know how I'm going to be around everyone again today." Harry sighed. "I don't think I have the mentality nor energy."

"Go back to the hotel. Say it's something personal, I'm sure they'll understand."

Harry shook his head, "I'm fucking ridiculous."

"You're not ridiculous." Louis stated. "Well, you are when you say that. But you're allowed to have a break."

Harry gave a small nod, shrugging his shoulders at the same time.