Tolerate It || l.s ✓

Chapter 17

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Louis frowned as he observed Harry. His hands were shaking slightly and when they weren't clutched around the mug until his knuckles turned white, they were running up and down his thighs or his arms were wound around himself.

"Who was on the phone?" Louis asked softly.

"My mum." Harry sighed.

"Was it something with your mum that got you upset? Or was it Jake?"

Harry rolled his eyes at the sound of Jake's name. "I can't fucking deal with Jake's bullshit right now. I'm busy trying to deal with my fucking mother."

"Do you want to talk about Jake first? To get it out of the way?"

"He got funny about me coming here. Apparently I'm a fucking slut because I'm hanging out with men he doesn't know." Harry bit his lip, shaking his head.

"What the fuck. Harry, he's been a dick far too many times now."

"It's fine. He's fine. Every couple argues." Harry dismissed it, avoiding eye contact with Louis.

"These aren't arguments. This is him controlling you."

"I don't want to talk about Jake anymore." Harry uttered meekly, "he's not the reason I had a panic attack anyway..."

"Your mum is." Louis finished. "Do you want to tell me about her?"

"We don't...we don't get along anymore. We, um, we used to. When I was little we were really really close. Um, my dad was abusive and um sometime near the middle of secondary school he got in a car crash and died. My mum started, you know, she started doing drugs to help her with everything, to help with the memories of him because they haunted her. She, she never physically hurt me but some of her friends did and-and she never stopped it." Harry took a breath to regain composure. His voice was shaky, an obvious sign that it hurt to speak about this.

Louis nodded reassuringly, rubbing a hand up and down Harry's back.

"She...she like, she said things, says things to me that really hurt. Like, when she phones me she says things and I know it sounds stupid but they make me feel so shit. Sometimes she'll call and it'll be like it used to, we'll just catch up and it'll feel like I have my mum back but then she'll go and fucking ruin it the next time. She was just saying horrible things and then...and then she-" He cut himself off, looking around the room in distress.

"You don't have to say it Harry, it's okay."

"She said I should kill myself. My mum told me I should kill myself." Harry choked out in a strangled voice. He let out a soft cry, dropping his face into his hands.

"Oh, darling." Louis's heart dropped. He shuffled closer to Harry, drawing him into a tight hug.

Harry whimpered, "she's meant to be my mum."

"It's not fair, It's not." Louis spoke in a soothing voice, "it's not fair and you don't deserve it."

Harry didn't reply to Louis, he just cuddled closer, taking deep breaths as he tried to regain composure.

"You're going to be okay, you know? You will be okay."

Harry nodded against him, seemingly trying to convince himself. His phone lit up and he dropped his eyes to look at it.

"Fuck's sake." Harry's voice cracked. Jake was calling, most likely to yell at him again.

"Don't answer it." Louis said.

"I won't." Harry murmured. "God, it's all kicking off tonight, isn't it?" As a few texts came through, he opted to open them instead.

Jake: I'm outside your house. Come home.

Jake: I'm not leaving until you do

"Harry," Louis started softly, "you can stay here if you don't want to go home. I've got the spare bedroom."

"I'll be okay. What's the worst he'll do? Tell me I should kill myself too?" Harry laughed dryly.

"Stay here, it's really no bother. You don't need more bullshit tonight."

Harry thought for a second before seemingly giving in. He was too drained to cope with the wrath of Jake tonight. "Thank you. I really appreciate that, thank you." 

"Do you want to get ready for bed now? I can get you a toothbrush and I can get you some of my clothes to sleep in."

"That would be great," Harry slowly pulled away, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, "thank you."

"Come on then." Louis scooted off the edge of the bed, beckoning for Harry to follow him.

Harry did so, standing awkwardly with his hands clasped together in front of him as Louis dug through his drawers. He pulled out a hoodie and joggers, holding them up. "These okay?"

"They'll be wonderful, thank you." Harry nodded with a small smile.

"Right, toothbrush and I'll show you to the spare room then I'll leave you alone."

//

Louis knocked on the door of the spare room, entering as he heard Harry call out.

"Tea?"

"Thank you." Harry smiled as Louis handed it to him.

"Cosy?" Louis chuckled. Harry had Louis's hoodie on, a few curls peeping out from under the hood. A blanket was wrapped around his shoulders and his phone was perched against his curled up legs.

"Very." Harry nodded, pausing before adding, "Jake still thinks I'm going home... he's still there."

"He's going to have a surprise then, isn't he?" Louis sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"This will be more fuel for him to call me a slut." Harry laughed dryly. "It is what it is though. Um, do you have any books I can read a bit?" He was quick to change the subject.

"What sort are you after?" Louis sent Harry a sympathetic look.

"Anything really. I just like to read before bed, it settles my mind a bit. It's okay if you don't."

"I've got a few books somewhere I'm sure. No idea what though, I'll have a look for you. Be back in a sec."

Louis left the room, returning not long later with a pile of books. "Right, so we have the The Great Gatsby, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Alice in Wonderland." He sifted through them before holding up the last one, "oh! And Peter Rabbit."

"Why do you have Peter Rabbit?" Harry let out a small giggle.

"Hey, I read that every night." Louis joked, "nah, I got it for my younger siblings a while ago. They love it. Which one do you want?"

"Alice in Wonderland please." Harry smiled shyly.

"Here you go." Louis handed it to him. "Right, I'll leave you to it. Goodnight, I hope you sleep well. Don't hesitate to wake me up if you need anything."

Harry smile gratefully, nodding although he knew that never in a million years would he wake Louis, "Goodnight." He opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it again. He did this a couple of times before Louis stopped him.

"You're beginning to look like a goldfish, love." He said kindly.

"Sorry, um, just, would it be alright if maybe you kept my phone in your room tonight? I just don't want to see any more texts or calls from, well from anyone."

"Of course." Louis nodded.

Harry handed it to him, the screen still lit up with an image of Harry and Zayn with the arms around eachother, a huge grin on Zayn's face, and Harry's head thrown back in laughter.

"Cute photo." Louis smiled.

"Thank you." Harry replied, pausing before adding an aggravated "Jake tried to make me change it."

"I really don't like him Harry."

"I'm sorry, that's my fault. I keep telling you the shit parts of our relationship."

"Oh, don't be silly." Louis scoffed, "it's his fault for being a bellend. Right, sleep well Harold."

"Sleep well Louis." Harry replied.