Try Not To Fall In Love

Part 11

Stiles struggled with his decision but he knew it was something he had to do. He entered the mansion hastily, checking the studio immediately but finding it empty. He headed upstairs as he knew that that's where Lydia would most likely be when she isn't rehearsing. He rushed straight to the little red door at the end of the first corridor, just like he did weeks before on one of his first days. He knocked lightly and heard her voice call softly to come in. Stiles also knew that if she knew it was him, she probably wouldn't have asked him to come in, but he did anyway. He walked in slowly to find her sat in her usual swinging chair near the window. She looked effortlessly beautiful and he longed to tell her but he stayed silent. Upon entering she turned her head to face him and she looked stunned for a moment. They hadn't been alone together for days, not since their argument, and now here they were alone together once again.

She immediately stood up as she got up to leave but he stepped in front of her quickly, getting in her way. "Wait Lydia! Don't go! I know you despise my guts right now but please i need to tell you something..." He spoke softly but purposefully as she finally met his gaze, her eyes already slightly watery. She scoffed at him, "The fact that you believe i hate your guts really does show that you have no clue about women Stiles." She said dryly, her voice monotone and her attitude defeated. He scrunched his face up at her slightly in confusion, "What? You don't hate me?" He asked her quickly, becoming distracted as she rolled her eyes at him. "No dumbass I don't." She answered sarcastically as his mouth fell open slightly. "T-Then how come you have been treating me like you have?...and literally refusing to be anywhere near me?" He asked her bewildered as she tilted her head at him lightly, her expression dumbfounded.

"Oh come on! You can't be serious...Stiles, I don't hate you, i actually like you, like a fucking lot but since we can't...you know be together...I thought it would be easier if we didn't spend time together. I mean mainly its for me...i mean seeing you? and knowing that i can't have you and we can't be together? It hurts, like a whole lot." She admitted honestly as Stiles looked at her in shock, he had no idea. All this time he thought he was the only one who was hurting that way, the only one who still wanted her. He had no idea that she'd been wanting him too. "Oh god, really? All this time i thought you was mad at me...I thought you despised me because of what i did. But i get it now but at the same time, for me anyway, you're making it worse. Because by not being able to be near you or alone with you, i can't fully do my job, i can't keep you safe and that's all i want to do. The thought of me not...being there when you need me, it frightens me to death." He confessed as her expression softened and she stepped closer slightly but he made sure to keep his distance.

"Oh...I'm so sorry i didn't even think of that, i just thought i was helping, helping us both to get over each other...i was doing it for you..." Lydia replied solemnly as he gave her a soft smile. "I get that. But okay there is something i actually came here to talk to you about." He said urgently as she gave him a puzzled look. "Just please come here a second. He took her hand carefully as she looked up at him with wide eyes, as he walked her over to the wall of windows, sitting her down at the window seat that existed there, as he sat down next to her. "Stiles...I-" She began to say something but he quickly cut her off. "No wait Lydia, please listen it's crucial i promise." She nodded at him, staying quiet as she waited for him to speak. "Okay so erm I've been doing a lot of thinking...about us and erm about what we should do...cause we both know that with the situation that we are in, it's kinda difficult for us to do our jobs...for me to do mine...So it erm reminded me of something I learnt at the academy for situations sorta similar to this. They told us that if we ever get into a situation where it gets too personal...and our emotions begin to get in the way, the best thing to do is to step back. Because i can't protect you like this, not when we can barely stand to be in the same room and not when every time i look at you it hurts, my attention and priorities are completely split. So the only thing i can do, which would help you because you're safety is all that matters to me, is to step down and reassign you a new bodyguard..." Stiles finally concluded as he bit his lip anxiously awaiting her response.

Lydia looked at him in shock as she seemed to be processing exactly what he said to her. "W-what?" When she finally spoke, her voice was quiet and mouse like and it broke him. "Y-You want to assign me a new bodyguard? you want to leave me...?" Her voice cracked as she seemed to be becoming more and more upset. "Lydia wait it's not like that it's-" Stiles tried to protest but she quickly cut him off once again. "Stiles you can't leave...you know that you're the only person in the whole world that i feel safe with...i don't want another bodyguard, i want you..." She cried at him as he looked at her with teary eyes. "I know Lydia i know, I don't want to leave you either but this thing we have between us is clearly not going to go away, we are only going to want each other more and that will only make things even more complicated and you know it. But you see i promise i will check over the new bodyguard completely, i will make sure he's the best and i know he will keep you safe." He replied sadly as she looked away from him suddenly.

"...But Stiles...you are the best..." Her voice trembled as she now seemed to be avoiding his gaze and he knew that she was probably crying. "Lydia I...look I'm doing this for you okay? you're in a lot of danger and i-i can't protect you properly, not when I'm not thinking straight. But you see if I'm not your bodyguard and your not my client anymore...we can be together..." He explained, trying to sound more enthusiastic as she finally turned to him. "So you'll still be here...you'll stay with me but I'll just have a different bodyguard?" She said in a higher pitch, sounding more hopeful as he released a heavy breath. "Okay erm not exactly...while the other bodyguard is here...i erm i can't be here too..." Stiles began to explain as her face quickly became sad once again. "W-What? Why?!" she asked him quickly as she got more confused. "I know its weird but I'm a bodyguard still, there can't be two of his here because we probably both do things differently and I'd get in his way and then he can't do his job. Especially when my feelings for you would cloud my judgement and make me risk things that I probably shouldn't..." He stated disheartened as she dropped her gaze to her lap.

"Oh i see...but what if it takes him months to catch this guy, does that mean that i wouldn't be able to see you all that time...?" She questioned him cautiously as he sighed. "Yeah i wouldn't be allowed..." he hated the idea too, he knew it would kill him to have to stay away from her, especially with the horrible situation she was in, but he had no choice. "Please...please don't leave me...what if...what if i need you?" She asked him desperately as she moved closer to him. It frustrated him, he longed to reach out, longed to kiss her and hold her and tell her that he'd never leave her but he couldn't. "Lydia look you can always call me yeah? you have my number and if you need me for anything, and i mean anything, then just call me and I'll always answer i promise." He responded softly as he raised his hand up, cupping her cheek lightly as he rubbed gentle circles on her cheek with his thumb. She immediately turned her face into him, resting on his hand for support as she looked back at him. "I'm going to really miss you..." She spoke shyly, almost like any moment she would break down crying. "I'm going to miss you too...but i promise you I'll find you a good body guard...the best one-i mean next best one out there." He corrected himself as she let out a little laugh, smiling lightly as a tear fell down her face but he quickly wiped it away.

He longed to pull her into him, to hold her in his arms and kiss her but he knew that would only make things even worse. He despised the idea of leaving her, especially in the hands of some total stranger but he didn't know what else to do. But right now? he needed to talk to Derek. Stiles dropped his hand, despite not wanting to, her eyes reflected a heavy sadness at his loss of touch. "Stiles i-i erm...I'm sorry that i was being so difficult, you know before...i guess i didn't realise how hard it was for you to do you job and i probably embarrassed you so I'm really sorry" she said from the heart as he stood. He gave her a warm smile, "Lydia it's fine I'm definitely used to some difficult clients..." He winked at her as she looked at him in faux shock. "What? me? Difficult? No way!" She joked back as he smirked at her. "Nah i love it really, you make my job more entertaining...or at least you did..." he smiled before trailing off sadly as he remembered that he was going to have to leave her. This was going to be harder than he thought. Her face dropped instantly at what he said and her lips went into a slight pout. After a few more moments, he knew he had to leave, they said their goodbyes and he headed back down stairs in search of Derek. He was already dreading this conversation.