meant to be | seongsang (✓)

☆.｡.:* 2.4 .｡.:*☆

tw // mentions of suicide, self harm, depression

seonghwa and jongho sat down on the bed, both of them gripping the sheets a bit out of nerves. they sat in a thick silence for a few minutes, then jongho spoke up.

"what did you want to talk about?"

"e-everything..."

"okay... so... where should we start?"

"i-i don't know... i-i guess you should know that i'm genuinely sorry for being such an asshole. i haven't stopped thinking about that..."

jongho nodded slightly, looking over at seonghwa.

"it hurt me... a lot. especially with everything going on for me personally."

"i was acting selfish... a-and possessive. you showed up here and my first thought wasn't even 'i hope my friend is okay'... i don't deserve forgiveness from you in the slightest, but i really hope that you know how horrible i feel."

"c-can i tell you about some stuff?"

"anything... of course."

"even when i came over to comfort sangie that first time... before m-my dad died... things were really hard. i hid it from all of you... i did everything to hide what i was going through. you guys made me happy on my darkest days, and comforting sangie made me feel like i was really loved and needed. not in a romantic sense, but in general.

"i hid my depression, i hid all the bruises and the scrapes that i got from punching walls a-and other things after getting into arguments with my father. i hid all the worries i had about my relationship with my mother possibly crumbling, a-and all of my other fears. all because i didn't want to be seen as weak.

"you're all my hyungs... you all make me feel so loved and important. i-i didn't want you guys to have to take extra care of me. i like taking care of all of you, honestly... so it felt good when yeosang called me and needed someone to lean on.

"b-but basically... when i went over that time? i had gotten into a r-really bad argument with my dad earlier in the day before going to mingi's... i fought the urge to punch a wall because i didn't want you guys to see me all beat up like that... a-and when i got here, i no longer felt like i had to, because i was with someone who i know cares about me. you all cared...

"but when you came the next morning and yelled at me to leave? i-i thought you didn't care anymore and i got scared... s-so scared. that's why i told you to come clean, t-that's why i spilled what i knew. and things only seemed to get worse for our us.

"hwa... i-i needed you when my father k-killed himself. i needed my hyungs... for the first time ever, i knew i needed to be taken care of and couldn't be the one taking care of everyone else. i-i felt like i was to blame for his choice to go... but you weren't there..."

instead of saying anything, seonghwa pulled jongho into a tight hug, letting a couple tears fall as he held the younger. jongho let out a soft whimper, holding onto his hyung tightly.

"i'm here... i-i'm so, so sorry, jjong..."

jongho just nodded, taking shaky breaths as he held onto seonghwa. then there was a knock at the door, to which seonghwa looked up.

"yeah?"

"dinner's ready..." yeosang said softly. "are you two doing alright?"

"y-yeah... we'll be out soon."

"okay... let me know if anything changes."

seonghwa looked at jongho and sighed a bit, rubbing the boy's back.