meant to be | seongsang (✓)

☆.｡.:* 2.7 .｡.:*☆

weeks passed, and seonghwa continued to fall apart. he couldn't find a job, and now he was stuck in a broken cycle of waking up, smoking and drinking all day, and somehow ending up in his bed at the end of the night. his behavior was beginning to worry all of his friends, even those who he didn't see as often. even his parents were beginning to worry, but they kept this to themselves, knowing their son needed his space.

yeosang was also struggling, but he was doing far better than seonghwa. at first, being apart from the older was difficult for the boy, but as time passed, things began to get easier. between keeping himself busy with work and the constant support from wooyoung, san and especially jongho, yeosang was getting into a routine that made things feel the slightest bit easier despite missing his lover.

for the first time in well over a week, seonghwa woke up not wanting to smoke or drink. he just wanted to lay in bed all day, unbothered. that didn't last long though, because before he knew it, hongjoong was knocking on the older's door.

"what do you want?" seonghwa snapped.

"jeez, i guess you don't want a job."

"w-what?"

"you have an interview tomorrow at the restaurant i work at. it's at 3pm. be there, or else."

"joong... t-thank you..."

"yeah, whatever. just trying to keep you from getting evicted."

"are you sure that's why?"

"obviously that's not it, seonghwa," hongjoong scoffed, rolling his eyes. "you're not entitled to know why i want to help you."

"oh... well, thanks."

"you can thank me by smoking with me... now."

"joong, i-i really don't want to..."

hongjoong rolled his eyes again, this time pushing past seonghwa and making his way to the coffee table that sat in the living room.

"we're smoking."

seonghwa sighed and nodded, sitting down next to the younger.

within minutes, the two were smoking their first joint of the day, seonghwa mentally thanking the younger for knowing him so well. he felt calm being high, all of his stress beginning to fade away. hongjoong looked over and smiled, admiring the boy for a moment before beginning to speak.

"i knew you needed to smoke."

seonghwa laughed, hongjoong's heart fluttering at the sound.

"you know me well... if only sangie was like this," he sighed. "i-i love him... more than anything... b-but i can't help but wonder if i'm just no good for him."

"hey... maybe it's not you and it's him who's the problem," hongjoong suggested.

"no... he's perfect, hongjoong... it's not him."

hongjoong nodded, looking away as tears started to form in his eyes.

he would never be yeosang... seonghwa constantly reminded him of that, despite not even knowing of hongjoong's true feelings for the older. he felt jealous and slightly heartbroken each time he was reminded.

"right..."

a few hours later, the two boys made their way to a bar, quickly ordering a couple of shots, then some drinks. seonghwa reminded himself to slow down, eventually stopping when he was beginning to feel tipsy. hongjoong, on the other hand, was drowning himself in drinks, wallowing in self-hatred. seonghwa quickly noticed, worrying about the boy.

"joong? you okay?"

"do i look okay?" the boy slurred.

"hey... come on, let's go back to my place. you can rest there..."

hongjoong laughed, then rolled his eyes.

"why would i go home with you when i'm not going to get what i want?"

"huh?"

"god, you're so oblivious, seonghwa! i've liked you for years, and you've never fucking noticed. you've been too fucking caught up with yeosang... you even lied and told him that he was your first time. that fucking hurt..."

"w-what..?"

"you heard me... i fucking like you."

"hongjoong... i-i'm so sorry."

"forget it," he scoffed, pushing past the older and making his way out of the bar.

seonghwa hurriedly followed, afraid of leaving the younger on his own.

"hongjoong! at least let me drive you to min's or somewhere where you'll be safe... please?"

"i-i can't, hwa... i've already let you break my heart enough..."

"i-i'm sorry... i-i'm so, so sorry... if i could do everything over i wouldn't hurt a-anyone..." seonghwa whimpered, close to tears.

"i'll see you soon, hwa... y-yeah... soon? i-i don't know..."

hongjoong walked off and seonghwa was left in the middle of the street, sobbing. he couldn't believe he had been so blind. he didn't understand why this hurt so bad, hearing that he had broken hongjoong's heart. he shouldn't have felt like this, should he have?

all he knew was that he was sick of always messing up, and he would do anything to go back and fix it all.

~
hehe hello from seoul <3

i'm finally settled into my dorm for my semester abroad and i couldn't be happier! updates will still be incredibly slow, although i will try my best!

enjoy <33