Chapter 55

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I wake up. This feels different. I am so confused. My heads starting to hurt again. I feel as if someone's above me. I open my eyes. "Aww, she was sleeping like a little angel." It's Danny and Lindsey. They were vlogging, too. Yay. I love them too much to get mad. They turn off the camera. I think they notice the confusion in my face. "You stayed with us last night," Lindsey says politely. They walk out. Why am I so freaking confused? And my head hurts. I get up and put my glasses on. I put on a little bit of makeup a slide my glasses back on. I put on some clothes. I put my sweatshirt on, too. I put my stuff together back into my duffle bag. I take my pills as I do everyday. I go into the kitchen. Danny made me breakfast. I pull out my camera. I notice that my hands are slow. I accidentally drop the camera. It makes a thud sound. It scares the crap out of Lindsey. Mr. King barks. I pick up the camera, which is surprisingly not broken. I put it on the table. It's all starting to make sense. Did it really happen again? Ugh. Yup. I had a seizure while I was sleeping. "Guys. I think I had a seizure last night," I say as they come over. "We know," Lindsey says, " I heard you hit your head on the wall. I rushed into the room. I knew that you had just came off chemo and I figured out that it was minor. You fell back asleep after." "Ohh." She hugs me. I go take some Ativan and Advil for my head. I get back to the table. I hit record for the second time. "You guys will not believe what just happened," I say as I giggle, " I dropped the camera and it didn't break. What a miracle! Anyway Danny is the nicest person ever! He made me pancakes. So happy right now." I finish saying to the camera. I finish eating. I realized that Lindsey found my scars last night. She's telling mom and dad today. Anxiety fills my head. I tell myself that it's gonna be alright. It's time to leave now. I jump into the car. They give me a hug. Lindsey reads my mind and tells me it's gonna be okay. I check social media for the whole ride. Danny pulls into mom and dads driveway. I grab all my things and walk in with them. I put everything in my bedroom. I grab the camera and sit by the lake behind the house.

Charles's Pov:
Danny and Lindsey invite themselves in. Alanis runs outside before I can even say hello. "We need to talk." Lindsey says as she directs Allie and I to the couch. I ask her what's going on.
"1st of all, Alanis had a seizure around 3 am." Lindsey says as Allie is already crying. "She's okay. It was a minor one. She kinda hit her head a bit and woke up confused. She forgot she came over. We didn't say anything about the seizure so we wouldn't scare her. She began to vlog and dropped her camera. She realized that she was a little slow and asked if she had a seizure. We told her that it's minor and she took medicine. She's okay now. Anyways, something more serious has been going on with her. She has been self harming. Last night she looked a little hot. I took off her sweatshirt and there was scars. All over her arms. She finally admitted it. I talked to her for a while after." I froze when she said that Alanis was self harming. I can't believe this. I put my hands over my eyes. I can't hold the tears. I cry silently as I hear Allie crying. Lindsey and Danny are also crying. "I'm so sorry." Danny says.

Alanis's Pov:
I hit record. "I want to be honest with you guys. The reason I dropped the camera was that I had a little seizure at 3 am. My hands were still slow. I'm okay don't worry. I think I just hit my head a little. Anyways. These past few days have been a little bit crazy. Before I tell you, this actually happened. I would never lie about these kinda things to get attention. I'm telling you because I love you. I need to be honest. The reason I'm out here is because Lindsey is explaining this to my parents. What happened a couple days ago was, I was feeling like I was causing not only my family so much stress, but you guys. I just felt so unwanted. " I say and tears are streaming by now. "I felt like I needed a punishment. So I did. I self harmed. I cut myself with a razor that I use to shave my legs. It hurt. I told myself that I deserved it. I didn't know what I was doing. I regret it. I wanted to kill myself. I could've ended it all today. But you know. What doesn't not kill me DOES make me stronger. If you're currently going through this, you're not a lone. I know thousands of others are going through it, too. If you think no one is there for you, I am here for you. The ctfxc is also here for you. Go get some help. We can all stop together. I wanna thank you for the endless amount of love and support. I always hear that we saved you guys. But today you saved me. You guys always make me feel better. I could literally step in horse shit and I know you'll be there to make me feel better. I'll be there for you, too. If you ever need too, just tweet me. I'll DM you. I'll even skype you. Just I wanna be there for you because you're always there for myself. I'm going to end this on a positive note. The new dragon shirts are up on the website. TOODLES!" I say as I turn off the camera. I turn off the camera. I start to go back inside.

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