Shot in the dark - Dallas Winston

Chapter Twenty - Joanna's Letter

I sat at my desk pulling a pile of paper's and a pen from the drawer. It took me a minute to find the words I wanted to say but once I started writing I couldn't stop.

'Dear, Dallas Winston

November 5th, 1976

Hi. It's my birthday. I am twenty-seven today which means I'm also older they you have ever been. Things have changed since you left. Since you and Johnny left. The Soc's and Greaser's aren't really a thing anymore. I mean we all still call ourselves Soc's and Greasers, but the rivalry isn't really a thing anymore. There are a few fights between the groups but nothing like it used to be. I moved back to New York. Got a nice paying job and that dog I always was asking you for. Named him Winston. He is a big and fluffy golden dog. Like that one we seen that night we went to the drive-in with Pony and Johnny. Before everything happened. I live right down the road from Times Square. As much as I love it here, I think I'm gonna go back to Tulsa soon. My boss supports it said he would find me a job with the company out there. As for the gang, Darry got himself a girlfriend, her names Darla. She's real nice. Take's care of him and the boys and her food is delicious. He also got a much better job thanks to her. He could move practically anywhere he wants now, but you know Darry. Ain't nobody or no one getting him to sell that house. Pony went off to college. We're all mighty proud of him. Him and Sherri are a thing. Have been for a while now. I still don't like her. She tries to act like she knew you so well, but I suck it up. She make's Pony happy and after everything he has gone through, I don't want to be the one to take that away from him. Two-bit finally graduated high school. After you and Johnny left, he changed his life around. We all did, but him especially. I think it was a wake up call for him. He's got a nice job and helps support his mom and sister. Oh, and he finally got rid of that piece of shit car he drove around. Steve and Evie got married. I know surprised us all. I think she's a little messed up in the head. Their waiting on the arrival of their first child together. Said if it's going to be a boy, they want to name him Winston after you and Donna. I called him a copycat. They said if it's a girl they want to name her Anna. After Evie's mother and me. I think it's sweet. You are not going to be too happy about this, but Donna and Sodapop got married a couple of years back. Their wedding was huge. I made sure of it. Now that I have the money, I make sure I spoil her the way you always wanted too. It was a heartfelt day. You and Johnny were strongly missed. Darry walked her down the aisle and during the usual daddy daughter dance Darry and I took turns dancing with her. There were lots of tears. She even had a seat open all night reserved for you. You would have loved her dress. They also welcomed a son not too long after. They named him Dally. I cried when they told me. He's got Soda's bright blue eyes and Donna's face, but he's got your personality through and through. He is about five years old now, and he is always getting himself hurt or in some kind of trouble. Donna hate's it because it give's her anxiety. She's worried he will end up like you have, but she love's it at the same time. It brings her comfort that she has a piece of her big brother around. She misses you more then she would ever admit. She really did love you even when she didn't show it. I am happy for her. Part of me wishes we could have gotten married, not the kid part. The other part of me knows we where always destined to end this way though. I knew all along you were going to die young and I want to kick myself for staying with you, but I wouldn't change what we had for the world. Because even though you are not here now, I know you are still watching my back. I wish you had been able to love me for the rest of my life, but it brings me comfort knowing I had been able to love you for yours. Everyone asks me when I'm going to try and move on, go on date's, find a husband. No one ever really believes me when I tell them I won't. Not just because I don't want to, but because I know no one will ever be able to love me the way you did. Our relationship was never perfect, but you gave me love and brought me a sense of comfort I had never experienced, and I know I will never experience again. It hurts to know that, but I'm learning to live with it. I really do miss you. I miss the warmth from your body because no matter how cold it had been your body always had warmth to it. I miss the way you would look at me and the stupid toothy grin of yours that only I ever got to see. I miss the way you would grab me by my waist and pull me closer to you just so I would be wrapped in your arms. I miss that stupid laugh of yours the most. The laugh that always reminded me of my father. The laugh that could make anyone else laugh with how loud it always was. Baby Dally has that laugh. When ever he laugh's I freeze. It's like I'm hearing a ghost. They had just visited a few days ago. Dally's at that age where he wants to know everything about everyone. Of course, we tell him stories of you and Johnny. He was so damn excited when he found out he was named after you. He asks about you all the time. He really wants to know why he can't meet you. Donna's not ready to break it to him. That doesn't stop him though. The other day I had told him about how you always used to steal me grape lollipops, after he begged Soda to take him to the candy store to get me some before they left. I cried like a baby after. I know kid's where never our thing, but I swear you would love this kid. I don't know if it's just because he's Donna's baby or what. He asked me about my necklace, your Christopher. I told him how you would always wear it and try and give it to me. I even showed him all the marks from your matches. He said it was a pretty necklace and that he liked it on me. After that I talked to Soda, convinced him to let me give Dally the Christopher when he is older. We didn't tell Donna. She would fight me on it, insist it is rightfully mine the same way she had after you died. I won't change my mind about it though. I want the kid to have it. At the end of the day, I will always have our memories and the time we had together to look back on, he won't. All that he wants is his Uncle Dal. I wish you where here to be with him. I know it's strange. Writing you a letter like you will ever be able to read it. A small part of me hope's it some how make's it to you but I know it never will. I am writing the letter as a goodbye. I promised myself after your funeral that when I was ready, I would write out a goodbye and put it away. Maybe even get buried with it. So, here I am. Saying goodbye. I love you, Dallas Winston. You were the first boy I have ever loved, and you will be the last. My heart will forever belong to you, and only you. Thank you for loving, caring, and protecting me during the time we had together. I will never be able to repay you. I love you, till I take my last breath and even after in death. So, until I take my last breath and see you again. Goodbye.

-Love, Joanna Winston <3'

I stood folding the letter putting it in an envelope before placing it at the bottom of my dresser turning and leaving the room.

THE END