Lost and Found- A Reed Deming Fanfiction

Lost and Found- Part 48

Dear Pam,

Dear Lord, this is gonna be long and hard to write. Just take me back to the start.

K5, this little girl with long, flowing brown hair came prancing happily over to me. All I could think of was that she was so beautiful and I had to impress her. I tried my best, but obviously that resulted in reading upside down. Smooth, I know.

Not my point. Right from the start, something clicked in the back of my head. I could feel something growing deep inside of me.

Little did I know, it soon became bigger than friendship. It morphed into love.

Yes, we have shared millions of good memories, including the time you made me reenact Cinderella for Kayla, but by far the most dreadful was when you tried to curl my hair, almost scorching my scalp off. Honestly, how could a 5 year old get ahold of a 400 degree iron?

Now I don't believe you remember much of this, because your mom had to brainwash you out of it, but there was that one time when we were playing baseball so cleverly with a rock. And damn, can I say, you had quite an aim at 6 years old. The hit struck me directly in the eye, resulting in not only a puffy, black ring around my eye, but also a broken wrist when I fell backwards, nearly snapping it in half. When you asked me why I had the cast, which was nearly every day, I said that I was playing 'Doctor' with my cousins. It took you a few years to recover the memories of how you broke your best friend's wrist.

Not only did you physically impact me, but mentally too. You were always a sharp kid. I vividly remember a day when I couldn't fathom that two plus seven was indeed nine. No matter how long I spent counting it out with building blocks, I had myself convinced that the answer was four. But no, every time we played with the blocks, I would try to show you that seven plus two was four, you kept trying to implant in my brain that it was in fact nine. Took me until about third grade to finally understand your reasoning.

I'm sure you remember being picked on by a few certain people.

"Why are you best friends with a boy?! Especially that one!"

"Stay away from him, his stupid will rub off on you."

Words cut like knives, but I came to realize that no matter how much words punctured me, I always had you to fall back on.

We passed through it together, having our Saturday picnics, drawing on my wall and trying to glue construction paper over it to make it seem like nothing happened, and acting like we were so tough while watching Goosebumps movies all the time, when in reality, we would shit ourselves every few minutes while watching those.

Come to think about it, nobody has had a closer bond with me than you.

I can literally relive the day in my mind when like turned to love. It was September 5th, three days before your birthday. We were in 4th grade, all dressed up for yearbook pictures. I had a little lavender dress shirt and white tie, sticking out like a sore thumb amongst all of the casually dressed kids in t-shirts and tank tops. It was minutes before we had to go to the cafeteria to get the pictures taken, and I remember thinking where you were. Pam Fleming had a reputation for being early, but on this fine day, for some unknown reason, you had been exactly 27 minutes late. You came storming into the room, frazzled.

"Sorry Mrs. Jayson." You announced. "My mom was still finishing my hair." It's a good thing that she did, too. Your perfectly shaped brown curls cascaded over your shoulders and down your back, bouncing up and down with every step you took. I'm not exactly sure if you caught on right away with my lack of speech or ability to breathe and function correctly, but all I was able to do was stare at you and admire every inch of your body. That day after school, don't make fun of me for this, but as gay as it sounds, I went home and wrote about it in my diary. Soon enough, my older cousin was prodding my room, found the diary and decided to read it. Since that incident, I've torn out the pages and stuck them in a box that was in a box that was hidden in my closet. (Shh, you never heard that. Read them and you're dead.)

I never confessed my love to you directly. It took 3 and a half more years before I somewhat indented on the fact that I loved you more than a friend, which was that day at the airport.

Having to see you get on that plane and fly away was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I didn't know when, or even if I could see you again.

I thanked God every night that I was at least able to hear your voice once in a while. It was just hard to cope with not actually being able to feel you, know you were there. Ask any of my friends. They literally thought I was depressed or even suicidal sometimes with the gaping hole in my heart taking over me. And you should know, it takes a lot to break me.

Months past, still we talked nearly every day, but I felt the distance clearly changing me. No doubt about it, you always were my best friend through all of this.

Then, one day, I remember my dad told Blake and I that were going to Minnesota for Thanksgiving with my family. It didn't occur to me that maybe we could drive to visit you until the day after we arrived at our hotel. It sure took a lot of convincing to make my dad give in, but it finally worked.

The moment when you turned the corner, seeing your face, I broke down. The whole situation just didn't seem real to me. That was when we first had a love encounter.

The worst thing was when you came clean about your mom. I didn't think anything like that would ever happen, and that you were able to disguise it so well. Right away, I knew I could help, and I had to.

Lucky for you, you came with me to Texas. If you hadn't, I wouldn't even want to know what would've happened to you.

I will freely admit, at first it was awkward living with my girlfriend. Soon, I found that it turned out to be everything I wanted and more.

You've stuck by me through every single second, even when you were whisked away back to Wisconsin, though we did call it quits for a few days, there wasn't a split second where I couldn't fall back to you.

You're truly an amazing girl, inside and out, mentally and physically. I can't picture my life without you, I can't see myself potentially being with someone else. I know you were made for me and I was made for you.

So please, never change who you are for the pleasing of others. The only person that you have to please is yourself. And if anything were to come between us, I would push through, no matter how much it took. I know that for you, it would be worth it.

You're the one for me. I've known since 4th grade. I felt it deep in my heart, more than a crush. Your personality beaming through the room and effecting everyone in its path, your blue-grey eyes that never seem to want to make up their mind, your perseverance to fight for what you believe is best, the way you don't judge my weirdness-you just join in, the way that you sleep- it fascinates me, and last but not least, your loving heart for everything and everyone.

Now I just summed up the basics here. If you wanted, I could rewrite this and make it 350 pages long. It would take that much to prove why I love you. But hopefully this is enough.

Will you marry me?

I crumpled the letter, scouring the bedroom for a safe hiding place. Eventually, it ended up wrapped in a sock behind a painting. I knew I would need it one day, one day soon.