A Mermaid's Cry

Chapter 31-Bearing Thy Heart

For the rest of the day, we sailed on the rough waters. Guiding the boat around islands lush with life, and massive craggy rocks that jutted out of the sea like a shark's serrated smile. Hours Adila and I stayed in the rigging, adjusting the sails when Arcus deemed them needed. From below, I watched Ares scout the waters for danger. Time after time, I would watch in wonder as his emerald green tail flashed in the sun as he maneuvered through the deep.

While we tended to our tasks, Octavia and Zola poured over the many maps that they have spread out on a series of crates. Pages detailing the territories of pods, their islands, and shores. Knowledge such as this, is vital to keep tensions at bay as well as the accusations of inciting a fight, or worse a war.

Besides the ones detailing the holdings of Mer, Zola has acquired a human map from one of our pod's traders. One still crisp and new, devoid of stains and creases that would blur the ink of the parchment. Now as the sun sinks beneath the horizon, I sit quietly, and wrap my hands and feet with bandages covered in soothing ointment for scrapes and scratches. Both Adila and I, have hands and feet rubbed raw from the wooden beams and tough ropes.

The other Mer girls in the pod, would sniff at such hands that don't resemble the soft texture of the finest silk. What rueful creatures they can be, when the evidence of another's labor offends their disapproving eyes. They miss out surely on many things, like the cool feel of mud between the toes, the pleasurable burn in the legs while running. The feel of a knife hilt in hand, the solid grounding caress of wood and metal.

I bite my lip as these thoughts drone in my head like a hive of wasps. So many simple pleasures that seem so far out of reach, now that the carful laid plans that we all had laid down, have been dashed by the humans once again. I hiss in pain as the wrappings on my foot, tighten from my rage filled jerk on the cloth.

"Wonderful, now I have to redo it," I grumble, slowly unwinding the bandage just as a shadow darkens the deck in front of me.

"Need some help?" Ares asks, crouching in front of me on one knee with a small jar of ointment in one hand.

"No," I utter, narrowing my eyes as I continue to unwind the bandage.

He doesn't listen, instead he wrenches my foot out of my grasp and nearly sends me flailing off the crate. With deft hands, Ares unwinds the cloth and begins applying ointment to my scraped flesh. The warmth of his hands sends a tingling sensation up my leg. A pleasurable sensation from his gentle touch, so different from the times he has grabbed me with those rough callused hands.

With baited breath, I watch him secure the bandage around my foot and gently settle it down onto the damp salty deck.

"There, was that so hard to let me help?" Ares questions, rubbing the spot where my leg and ankle meet.

"I suppose it wasn't," I answer, slipping my ankle out of his hold and standing up on goosebump ridden legs.

"But I prefer to do things myself, I don't want to be seen as helpless or insufficient at caring for myself. I believe we would both agree on that, since we have been raised from the cradle to be strong, fearless, and loyal. Weakness is a tool the enemy can exploit and use, I can't afford to become soft and pliant."

"Can't or won't?" he mutters, grabbing my arm and jerking me against his bare chest.
"Be honest treasure, no idle threats or harsh words. Tell me, what would be bad about giving in? Letting down your defenses for just a moment, just for me?"

I feel my body start to tremble in his hold, the old fear coming back without mercy or respite. He thinks it's so easy, so easy for me to bring down the carefully constructed walls of my heart and mind. I barely know him, the true him behind his heated stares and stubborn insistence on my following his wishes. How can I trust such a Mer with my deepest desires, precious secrets, and the fears that have plagued me all my life?

Is his concern a trick? A way to open myself up so he may trap me in a gilded cage? What else? What else would I have to give to have a future of peace and freedom? What else will happen to my carefully ordered life? What would I become? A dithering little weakling who can't fight her own battles? Or a flighty empty headed thing whose only wish is to be bedded by her mate?

"I-I," words fail to pass my lips, and the shaking will not end.

Concern softens his features, his mouth setting into a grim line as his hand reaches out and tilts up my chin. I meet the worried gaze of his, yet another glimpse past his veneer of sensual desire and strength. Sorrow is what I find there, regret appearing and disappearing like the ever changing breeze.

That hidden instinct to comfort, guides my hand to cup his face. My thumb, tracing the outline of his jaw and chin. The slight scrape of stubble under my palm, sends a shiver of delight up my arm. "If I did bring mine down," I begin, growing still as his fingers travel from my chin down to my shoulder.

"Would you do the same? Show me who you really are, than just a roguish male taunting me at every turn. Confusing me with your sudden bursts of need and gentleness. You asked me for my doubts and I shall lay them before you."

"I fear being tricked into a bond that would make me suffer, in mind, body, and soul. I fear loosing the freedom that I have valued all my life. I fear losing my right to choose."

I wait patiently for his answer, suddenly grateful that we were left alone while the others went in search of fresh prey. The wind blows my hair from my shoulders, fluttering the strands and tangling the locks even more. I close my eyes, and for the first time, draw myself closer to him and lay my head onto his shoulder.

"Please Ares," I whisper, shuddering as his hands travel down to my waist. "Don't let me be locked away. I would surely die of shame for letting myself become so weak and broken."

I don't notice the tears till they are running in full force down my cheeks. Drenching his shoulder in salt, despair, and fear. The shaking follows swiftly, my trembling limbs going limp and weak as I start to sob into his skin. Ugly,wrenching, stifled cries, that hit me with such a force, that I find myself clinging to him for support.

Ares pulls me closer, silent and composed while rubbing calming circles on my back. Soon, he begins to gently rock me back and forth. A motion that brings back memories of being cradled in my father's arms. But unlike his, which held only the love of a parent, Ares's holds far more than that. Acceptance, forgiveness, and a silent plea, woven into the gentle solid feel of his body against mine.

"I will never take away your choice," he whispers in my ear, as my sobs slowly die down.
"I wouldn't dream of placing you in a cage, when I can give you a spear and have you by my side, always."

Snuffling, I raise my head up to face him. My eyes puffy and tired, cheeks smeared with the remnants of tears. "Promise me," I say, gentle and distant as the barest brush of the wind on delicate skin. "No tricks, no lies, no pretty words over harsh taunts. Give me your word and I will bring down my defenses, as long as you do the same."

Ares smiles, a grin without heat or trickery, but one of tenderness that has my eyes widening as he brings his lips to mine. For the first time, I kiss him back, letting myself indulge in the feel of his scent and flesh. Running my hands through his hair, pressing my body closer to his. Reveling in his warmth and solid build, as I learn that no other pleasure, such as wine or music, can compare to the feel of a lover's hypnotic touch.

"I would promise you the world," he replies, after pulling back and leaving my mind hungering for more. "I will do anything, just so I can have the honor of having you with me."

I smile, a real smile without a baring of teeth in anger or threat. Finally pleased that my wishes have been heard, and would be fulfilled if I so chose to commit my life to him. Just as I start to reply, a sound breaks this delicate moment, and has us throwing ourselves onto the deck.

"Incoming!" comes Adila's shout, just as the body of a writhing swordfish hits the ship's deck.

A chuckle rips through Ares's throat, coaxing a resounding snort of amusement from me. Our laughter fills the air, a strange and wondrous sound devoid of hate or fear. A brief glimpse of joy, that deep within my chest, I feel the first crack in the wall of my heart fester and split. Bringing with it the old childlike innocence of blessed glee and light.