Fighting For Eachother

disappointment | chapter1

"Anastasia!! You will be late!" Mom yelled from downstairs as I was putting my last stuff for ballet.

I rushed downstairs and when she heard me, she got outside. So did I.

Dad was already waiting in the car.
Soon we started our ride to my ballet class and their business meeting.

"You have to do everything in the last minute, don't you?" Mom rolled her eyes as she said that to me.

"If we will be late- which we will- beacuse of you, you will be dead tonight." Dad said and I tried not to react to them

If I do react, then ' I am mad '. You can't get mad. Not in the house, not with them, not anywhere.

You need to listen.

I was looking through my window as we will soon reach that stupid apartment or whatever, where is that stupid ballet class.

I don't even like ballet. I did, when I was younger. But as I was growing up, my ballet teacher's became rude to me. Same as my parents.

I started un-liking it.

On the other hand, I love swimming. And I am also swimming but my parents don't like that. They are allowing me to do it because swimming is my #1. And if I ' don't want to do something ' they would threaten me that I will end my swimming ' carrier '. Simply put, they manipulate me like that.

Shitty.

I mean, they don't allow me a lot of stuff. I mean, let's be honest-

"Are you deaf? Go." Dad almost yelled and I got out of the car.

I didn't waved them, they didn't waved me. We don't do that. Except if some people are around.

We- other girls and me- were all dressed and ready for 'class'.

We started warming up.

I hate ballet but somehow I am amazing at it. Well I don't say that but girls and my trophies from it say that.

Always number 1.

But I don't think I will be #1 anymore.

We have little time to our appearance and I don't think I will do good.

God, even when we are practicing I end up on the floor with black vision in my head.

I just fall and pass out. I just faint. I don't even know.

Which is funny to be honest. And maybe it doesn't even make sense but when I'm on a party - which I'm rarely - I can't even pass out- if I don't overdose or drink to much alcohol- and when I'm on my ballet class boom.

I just can't wait for this to end.

I just want to go swimming and then go on a party and that's it.

"Anastasia, come here." My teacher called me and I walked over her

"If you keep messing everything, don't expect to be the main character for our performance. One more mistake and your out." She whispered to me and I almost couldn't breathe.

"What?! You can't do that! I swear I won't make any more mistake, I am so sorry- "

"I don't care. One more mistake and your out." She said and told me to go back to work.

Which I did. I can't not be main character. My parents are expecting that of me. If I'm going to be even 2nd, I'm dead. They will be emberresed to death.

***

After I was done with ballet, I got a message that told me that party, I should of go, was declined. So I don't have anything else to do now.

I called my driver and got home. Mom and dad won't be here till 10pm and now it's only 2:21pm. I'm thankful that they are working tho.

I showered and got into my bed, started reading my book beacuse I don't have anything else to do.

I wanted to go swimming in our indoor pool -or outdoor- but I'm exhausted af.

Don't even know how.

**

I didn't finished my book. I mean it's not mine, maybe that's why I didn't liked it. Girl in library told me I should of read it. It's so good and popular she said.

And I was half in before I closed it. I'm sick.

The girl in the book has everything she could wish for. Love. Good parents status. Being cared. Etc.

It's simple boring college love romance. The girl is cheerleader and the boy is football player. They don't have anything sad or painful in their life.

That's why it's suck.

I'm jelous of people that have good parents or people who had their childhood living paradise. Like the rest of their life.
I never got that. I was always forced to act mature, to not show emotions, to be perfect and if I can't be that, then it will end up badly.

My parents never cared really. About me. If I would end up bleeding beacuse I falled they would just say something to make me feel even worse and then they would look away.

They never showed any effections of love or anything to me. For me.
They would only show me that I'm never good enough. And I mean never.

I'm so jealous when I see kids playing with their parents on TV movies. And then I thought, okay it's just on TV. There's no parents-kids relationship like those in real life.

But I was wrong.

I saw it myself. God, how many times I saw it and almost cried.

I could never got it- why are my parents the way they are. Why don't they love me? Care about me? Why am I not good enough? .

I don't even know what parent tell their kids on 1st school day that they won't make any friends beacuse they are disgusting and stupid.

They also told me that the whole school would laugh at me, that no teacher will want me . And I was only 6. That's also why I'm homeschooled but it's hard to explain, so I'll do that later.

But I just can't get it. I just can't. What and which parent tells their child that they are fat but they are actually close to underweight. Mine. Mine would. Mine did. Mine do.

And I thought that so many years I will live with them, they will show love to me at least one time. I was wrong.