Fighting For Eachother

days go

TW!! SUICIDE ATTEMPT! AND MENTIONS OF SUICIDE (play Knocking on heaven's door by RAIGN if you want to <3)

It's been few weeks. Since...that.

Yeah ..weeks..

I spend my nights and days with Ria. And guys. But they don't stay the nights.

I'm going to school with them and we live a normal life. Or we act like we do..

Everyone has some secrets, some heartbreaks ,etc. Nobody is perfect. And it's so sad that no one can get that.

Even me. Sometimes. I can look at some girls having a perfect body on internet, and I know it might be fake. But I don't care.

They look like that. And I don't.

It's just so exhausting.

So.

Fucking.

Exhausting.

I can't do this anymore. I. Can't.

It's haunting me, suffocates me. No words can tell how I feel.

I'm so lost and numb. I just want to go. God, if your there, please, please. Let me go.

I cried as I'm writing letter for Ria. It's really happening. I'm going and the only soul I will miss is her.

She's in school today, I told her that I will stay at home because I feel sick. I'm not lying tho.

I feel sick. Sick of life, sick of myself, sick of everything.

My hand is shaking and I can't write normally so I also did a voice message. I send her right away.

What? I can't send it when I will be dead.

Before I started writing her a letter I put water on in her bathroom in the bathtub.

I also grabbed a knife and started going to bathroom

Its okay. It's not my first suicide attempt.

Hopefully, this one will be the last one.

I got in the tub and tears are still storming over my face. Oh yeah, I forgot to say but I also wrote letter for the guys.

Although, I don't think anyone loves me that much to care.

Water was slowly starting to be red.

I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want anyone to be sad about me. Or cry over me?

Although, I know that nobody will. Nobody will care or is caring about me. Maybe they just act.

Beacuse I know that I don't deserve it and I shouldn't have it.

I'm grateful for all the new memories I made with Ria and guys but....I just can't do this anymore.

I hope we will meet again. In better life. Better version of life.

I hope I can be an Angel and I can help them and save them.

God, please let me in. I need to go.  And this time, (like every other time) nobody will save me. 

God, please.

I can't hear anything. My screams to God to let me in and begging's, I can't feel anything. My tears, water, blood, harsh knife on my legs.

This is it. This is...my final end. And I can't be more excited.

I hope I don't wake up, seeing no one besides me. Beacuse that, will end me even more.

I just want to go.

Angels, I want to fly with you.

I will become real angel and I will help and protect kids, teenager's and people like me. Nobody could do that to me, but I will do that to them. 

Especially to Ria, James, Kayden and Mason. And oh yeah, me and Mason are good now.

Also, James and Kayden only know parts about me being drug addict. Almost. I'm not drug addict,right?

They know beacuse they saw me one time. They also know beacuse they saw when my drugs falled out of my pockets.

Everyone knew.

But nobody said anything. And now, I think there's no time to do so.