Fighting For Eachother

alone

Here y'all go, since y'all can't wait and I love you sm<3

"Stasia! Wait!" I heard someone and I almost cursed

I turned around and Mason was standing few feets away from me

Here it comes..

I could see he wants to say something but doesn't know how

I shook my head at it "it's fine Mason, don't um worry about it?" I almost cringed at myself

"Look Stasia. Just- don't take it too far. Please. Please don't overdose" he said and I almost laughed

I already did, sorry.

I sighed "Right. Okay. Is that it? Look, don't - don't get attached or something to me? I know it sounds stupid beacuse hello you actually don't even know me so why would you care right? But I think the dick is right. I shouldn't come with Ria to her house that night. And I'm sorry about it. I just didn't had any help at that point and out of nowhere she came. So, sorry if I interrupted y'all's friend group. Y'all don't need to be friends with me, it's totally fine. But I'm thankful for Ria" I said and his face falled

"Of course I  care! You are my friend. You are our friend. Just because Kayden is rude and everything, doesn't mean we will be. He doesn't even mean anything of what he says"

I laughed at that "hm right." He looked at me seriously

"I'm serious Stasia. We may all know you for a little time but something about you just click. Don't leave" He said and I was shocked

Don't leave

I can't really mean that much to them right?

"Okay Mason, I won't. Love ya" I said and hugged him

After some time he let me go to house.

I looked at my phone and saw that is 3:18am. Alright. But I won't go to house . Hell no. I don't want to be there right now. I mean, I don't want to be there anytime but.. oh well.

I walked down her street not knowing where to go. I just let my legs go and go wherever they want

As I was walking, I was thinking about all of them and what Mason told me.

I really am thankful for Ria and them, I really am. But I don't think I deserve them. They also don't need problem in their life's like I am. I'm really so much to take and they don't need to keep an eye for me like I'm their child.

I really don't want to left them, beacuse I know how it feels, but I don't have anything else to do. I also don't think it will affect them much beacuse they don't even know me.

I was alone my whole life until one time. I was 13 I think. I made online friends and found out they were where I was. I was going to be in the house alone for a week, so we thought that they could come and we would all met and have fun.

When they came, they were even prettier than they were on facetime's. We had fun and everything. We decided to met any time we could and we would hang out.

We did.

The more and more meetings and hanging outs I was even more attached to them. Not only that if they leave they'll knew all my secrets, but my joy will left.

Yes, they bringed joy in my life when I know them.

So as I was saying, I couldn't and they couldn't leave me, and visa versa. They meant everything to me. I also helped them with their struggling's. I also got into relationship with one boy from the group. I really cared and loved him so much.

But as time past, we didn't met as much as before. Then, they would seen me and act like I didn't even texted. Also boy I was in relationship with said that he needs some space.

I felt..gross. I didn't know what did I did to them. But I gived him and them space. I didn't text for some days and they didn't questioned it. Until one day, I really needed them. I really needed some hope and someone to tell me something to keep me living.

So I texted into the group and to him. They just said that I'm overreacting and shit like that. But he, didn't said anything.

Then, I got the message from one girl.

You can guess what the message was about. Yeah, he cheated on me. Then not only that shuttered me, but she also screenshot their messages they would tell her that he loves her and couldn't have anyone better etc.

But only that, but she also send another screenshot. It was some group. It was called "Pathetic Slutty Steele" . Yes. It was literally that.

They were messages where they were bullying me or something and they would bring up my insecures or my life secrets. They were saying that I'm lying about abuse I got and my other issues like self harm and many disorders.

I didn't read more. I was sick. I thanked the girl and I didn't heared from any of them after. I deactivated that Instagram account.

My depression was even worse from then. I couldn't eat for weeks. Of course, my parents where happy about it. So no only I was bullied by my friends, not only from my boyfriend but also from parents.

Why would I even lie about that?

But, I was only 13.

Now I'm 17 and I didn't made any friends from then, until fucking now. And I'm so stupid. Like really.

But suddenly, I was hit with reality. Someone horned and I only now realized that I'm walking on road where cars are driving

I showed 🤚 like sorry and started moving away faster

"C'MON SUICIDAL KID! I CAN END YOUR LIFE NOW! COME BACK! FUCKING FUCKER" someone yelled

Please do. Please do. Please.

I felt ashamed, judged and sad again. I walked I don't know how far away until I saw some park.

It was almost old. Almost. It had swings, slide, carousel . And bench. I  lay down and was facing the stars now.

I looked back to what's Infront of me and sighed of the thought how some kids and people were happy and playing as I was being abused at house.

My eyes started feeling hard. God I didn't slept in ages, what's now? I really want to stay awake but my eyes were slowly drowning

****

It's been twenty minutes exactly.

I couldn't sleep. I started playing my playlist and sat like normal person. Although normal person isn't alone in fucking park at fucking 4:23am.

I'm enjoying my peace. My own peace. Before, I couldn't find it and it was very hard. I didn't believed I will have peace in my head or something. But now, now I do. And it's so good.

But sometimes, I just need something to look forward to. To not unlive myself. It's hard. It's hard because you don't have anyone and anything that can help you and look forward to.

Only what I see and what other people see in me are problems and disappoint. My parents. The dick aka Kayden. My old friends.

At this point, I really am such a disappointment to earth. God, things I do.

*Unknown message*

What-
I clicked open and saw it was some party message. Location is actually close to where I am now. And if your wondering how I know that, Google maps.

I stood up and was little dizzy so I saw worse everything, it was almost all black, I was going in front and backwards but trying to stay still.

After that was done, my stomach started hurting. But like- I don't know how to explain it

I shook my head trying to left those thoughts and started going to that party

Here are some mistakes but I'm not even gonna look through it. I will just publish it. Be thankful!!