Fighting For Eachother

flashbacks

We got back to Ria's after that.

And...... reality hit me. Amazing, I know.

It's just needs to ruin the vibe right?

I am in the bathroom, changing into more comfortable clothes Ria got me and I see ...not myself..in the mirror.

In the mirror is standing the girl with ugly scars, ugly bruises and ugly infection. Why. Am I. Like. This.

Why.

I could almost see the bones showing, but the purple, blue and green colours are not letting me see it.

Almost whole body is covered with those colours. Add red, black and white to it.

What am I ? A fucking rainbow? That got smashed?

My legs are so fucking ugly and it's scaring me. It's scaring me beacuse I don't want to scare the others.

It's scaring me beacuse I don't want somebody to notice and made me go where I was before.

Flashback few years earlier:

Loud sounds are around me, with lights and praying's I hear that are coming from my mother

"Please take her, look at her! She needs help!" What the fuck is she saying?

Why would she care, you may ask yourself. After all the abuse, why the fuck do you care now?

Beacuse she wants to keep hurting me.

I want to scream that out of my soul.

People were around me and some guys and women started grabbing my arms and started walking with me to van

"NA-H! No, no no. Leave me— alone" I said as I tried to move out of their hold

"PLEASE!PLEASE!" mother pleased as they looked at her and nodded

They rushed me in the van and I could only see, the devil's face on my mother.

I could feel it, more traumas to go.

"THE FUCK?! YOU CAN'T FUCKING KIDNAP ME? OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE FUCKING DOORS! I DON'T WANT THIS! I DON'T NEED THIS!" I yelled as they didn't said anything only shushing and tying me

"I'm sorry that we have to do this. But you need help. Look at yourself. You have no choice." Was the last sentence I heared after I got stabbed with something and saw and heard nothing.

In that moment, I didn't knew. But now I do. I was took in some place, where you" get cared ". But no. I was send into psych ward. My mother showed them video tapes of me self harming and doing other stuff to myself after I got abused or after I got breakdowns or when I was in the breakdowns, panick attacks etc beacuse of them.

She fucking record it. And made herself look like a victim.

But what they do there is that,they fuck with your brains and you can't do anything but listen.

This time, you don't have an escape like you do when you are in the house.

There's No. Way. Out.

(A/N: *dramatic music ends*hello hello, little break 😋 don't come at me! I just want to say that I wanted to name this book a lot of names and this one 'No Way Out' was one of the perfects, but um..yeah.)

Once you get in, be lucky if you get out alive. And I was lucky.

Beacuse that place, feels like hell.

Flashbacks:

When I got in the white ass building they immediately dressed me in a white gown

I see people walking with same gowns, some of them are walking with walking frames, some of them have tracker on their arm, leg orr arms or legs

"Good luck- new girl" somebody said with cracked husky voice and I wanted to turn around but those guys and women pushed me to fall

End of the flashback.

After some minutes after that, they showed me into a white room with nothing in it. Except the cameras in the corners.

There was some speaker, but I couldn't see it, that woman asked me some questions through it. It wasn't the best feeling.

I was in that room for 24 hours. Alone with PCA

After that, other days I got put in there too. I was tied and they checked if I had something with me. Every. time.

I guess to like, I don't run away or 'hurt myself or others' .

Usually,in psych ward you get people that ask you if you are suicidal, to tell them your thoughts or something similar to that, on the scale of one to ten. Etc. And then with your answers they decide if your good to go or they keep you.

But, I didn't got those questions. Nope. Nobody talked to me and nobody helped me.

It was so exhausting in there. I just wished to go back to house.

They do body checks for like any self harm scars or that you aren't hiding anything etc. Then they would check your blood etc etc because of your physical health.

And then you go to the room with others or your in the room by yourself.

I was alone. Of fucking course.

Even though, if I was with people in the room it won't be any better.

You have hours where you get two types of therapies( rec therapy and regular therapy), hour with meeting with psychotherapist.

24/7 monitoring by cameras, no close doors, you get vitals checked few times a day, constant PCA and RN checking , when your showering you have to be washed , sloshed going to the bathroom.

You can leave your room only once a day for five minutes walk only and with your PCA

You have to wear non-slip hospital socks. No sharps

Etc.

It was horrible.

I don't want to go there. I never wanted to to there.

I mean, maybe you get help beacuse they would ask you questions etc and try to help you, but I got none of that. So I don't see the point of going there.

I guess my parents wanted to add more traumas to my life.

I jumped when I heard knocks on the doors

"Anastasia? Are you done there? Are you okay?" Ria called and I opened the doors after I cleaned my face. I don't need her to see my bad and real side. She'll be worried.

Actually no, screw that. No-one will ever help me ner be worried bout me.

"Yep, all done" I said and she nodded, suspiciously looking at me