Jatoba

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Amazonas, Brasil.

1982.

At first, all I hear is the rain.

Delicious, lush, healing rain.

A thick rain,

The kind I've grown fond of since we settled here.

Rain that breaks the otherwise unrelenting heat of the Brazilian summer.

We'd fallen asleep to it,

Lulled into a midmorning nap together,

Kissing and stroking and seeking

Arms and legs entangled on our bed.

And now, my eyes, flitting open as I sigh and stretch

Mindful to rotate my body so my tummy's to the ceiling.

A perfect peace, a calmness.

Except - except -

... Where is he?

Shifting and sliding out of bed,

My feet skirt the floor.

Smooth Jatoba floorboards, narrow planked, with orange-brown speckles.

And as I reach the doorway to our bedroom, that's when I hear it -

Oh, my love ...

Oh, oh ...

Sure enough, I find him

On the floor of the bathroom

Crying with heartrending desperation.

The cries of a broken man.

Bending towards him,

My hand grips at the cool porcelain wash basin for support

As I slowly sink down to meet him on the tile.

And he grasps desperately for me

As though I'm his lifeline.

He clings, he cries, and he buries his face against my belly,

His tears staining my cotton pyjama top.

- And throughout it all, the sound of the rain -

I know, my love, I know you're thinking of him ...

Him

Our him

We stay like this, together on the tiled floor

Until his cries gradually soften, then fade away.

Yes, it hurts

It hurts so bad, all the time -

I know.

Together, in the darkness of the bathroom,

He pulls gently at my top

My fingers running soothing trails through his hair

As his lips find their way on to my exposed stomach

A series of delicate, tender kisses

And a quiet, sad whisper into my skin,

"... We should start thinking about names."

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