Coiled (Book 1 of 2)

I Do, in Fact, Remember

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Early Autumn, 1975.

Me, completely and mercifully alone

And I've found my refuge in an empty stairwell

Sighing, I frown as I dig through the pockets of my robes

Frown turning to an outright scowl as I retrieve the crumpled letter I've stuffed in there

Crumpled, stuffed, because I was angry

But so what?

Nothing new there

The truth is I'm so used to being angry

I'm always angry

In fact, I really don't know anything else

... That's a lie

Stress

I know stress

And stress is this letter

Unfolding it, I stare down with hateful eyes at the familiar script

"Don't you dare disappoint us this year"

Not his exact words

But the sentiment's the same

And I know my expectations:

Be the best, always

Best grades

Obedient son

Loyal friend

And above all else, prepare for the day - the day ever approaching - to take on the mantle of pure-blooded values

... At all costs, must uphold our good name

Our ancestors

Our legacy

Completely at my wit's end, I begin ripping the letter up

If I can tear it into small enough pieces, perhaps I can deny the message to me

My summons

Still I tear the parchment

Until I freeze at the sound of completely joyous laughter

Laughter that echoes off the stone walls and down the stairs

Laughter, and quick, frantic footsteps

Two pairs of feet, descending the steps towards me at lightning speed

And now, the sound of their voices:

"... Do you think we got away with it?"

"Is that an actual question? You KNOW we did."

More shared laughter

Bloody hell

I've no fucking desire to see absolutely anyone right now

Particularly two people who sound so completely joyful

Their happiness ...

... It's a slap in the face

A mockery of my own secret misery

Suddenly, turning the corner and stopping short at the sight of me:

Them

... Them: Sirius and his muggle-born girl friend

Note how I say girl friend

Not girlfriend

I've known Sirius since we could crawl

Since our chubby fingers could wrap their way around one another's locks and tug hatefully

Point being, I'm quite certain he's no inclination to girlfriends

But this girl friend

...

I want nothing more to focus on how completely infuriating it is for my solitude, my private torment, to be impeded upon

Especially by Sirius-Fucking-Black, of all people

And yet ...

Straightening up, I default into my cold stare

The frosty stare that so naturally flashes across my face

And as they stare back at me, I shift my expression into a disapproving, contemptuous glare

But that's a facade

Because internally, all I can focus on is this girl friend

Of how she looks as she stares back at me

Of how I've seen her so many times before

Seen her, but never really, truly seen her

... And I ...

Internally, I smile at the sight of her twisting her face into a scowl to match mine

Hah. I do believe this one's rather like me

Perhaps a bit of a kindred spirit

But Sirius-Fucking-Black forces my attention back to him, "Got a problem, Rosier?"

Rising up, I cross my arms, "Only if you're looking for one, Black."

He doesn't challenge me further, though

Not directly

He knows better

And truthfully, the last thing I want is a brawl with Sirius

If for no other reason then it'd upset Reg

... Reg ...

My attention drawn to the way he now takes his hand in hers

Pulling her along in his wake as the two of them continue to descend the stairs towards me

Towards me, past me

Sirius, lifting his free hand up and shoving it in my face so as to deliver unto me an obscene gesture

Whatever - he's gone

But she ...

... She and I lock eyes again for the briefest instant as she brushes past

Each of us staring at the other challengingly

Her long black robe trailing after her, against me

And then, she's gone

They're gone

The door slamming shut behind them

And as silence returns

As my solitude returns

I lower myself back down to the stone steps and frown deeply