For You, and You, and I

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A Secret Letter,

Dated Late 1978.

There's so much I wanted for us -

More still I dreamt for us -

For you,

And you,

And I.

But

We have the sort of love that's forced out of the light.

The type that finds temporary sweet release in breathy encounters

Shared behind locked doors.

Hidden rooms,

Forgotten places.

A love forced to endure long periods of absence,

Of distance.

Before we may once again relish in the joy of having found our way back to one another.

Back

Again

And again

And again

Back

To us:

To you,

And you,

And I.

And I am of the mind that when we part

When three becomes two

Or worse still, when finding ourselves completely separated ...

I am of the mind that in those instances

We lose our ability to be

We lose our truest, fullest selves

We lose the love that should never end

Would never end

If we could bring circumstance to heel.

So let me tell you the way I'd have had it

If I were a king of a man;

If I were a wizard who could break the spell of circumstance:

We'd never be parted,

We'd grow old together.

And, since all three of us wanted to start a family,

I think we'd have done exactly that.

Perhaps

We'd have moved somewhere new

Somewhere far, far away from this place

From all those who'd wish us ill

Or seek to harm us.

Perhaps we'd have travelled the world together

If so

Everywhere we went, I'd have kissed you both every day

Every morning, I'd have promised you the world

And every night

I'd have pulled you in close

And then closer still

As I whispered sweet praises of your grace, your beauty.

I'd have celebrated your very being

And taught you of my eternal love

By pouring it onto your skin

As my fingertips slowly raked their way up and down your bodies.

I'd have soothed when you ached,

I'd have healed when you hurt,

I'd have lulled my own self to sleep with my fingers entwined in your hair.

I'd have spent the rest of my life doting upon every bit of both your beings.

Because

When it comes to you

And you

I am a man come to worship.

I am a man

In love with a man

And a woman.

And so

I am the man now off to move both heaven and earth

If it means there's even a chance for the two of you.

Everything I now face -

Doing it

For you,

And you.

- I

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