Solana Forever

S6 E4

When I walked into work this morning I wasn't expecting anything too extreme to have happened. However the second I arrived in reception and saw Jesus and Eduardo heaving bags of sand towards the pool I knew I thought wrong.

It turns out between now and when I left last night something in Joyce's slightly deranged mind told her it was a good idea to build a mini beach right in the middle of the sun bed area. I stared in shock at the ludicrous sight. I really don't know why she thought it was a good idea. Leslie and Joyce were both stood by the side of it so I was planning on asking her myself.

"I'm sorry for interrupting" I began. Their attention turned to me. I also noticed Joyce had turned the slightly strange colour of a satsuma so I made a mental note to joke about that later. "But what in Gods name is that?" I asked nodding at the patch of sand.

"This is the Solana Beach Benidorm!" Joyce exclaimed very cheerfully and with jazz hands like she was an assistant on deal or no deal.

"Oh right" I stared at it and tried to think of a nice way of following up. "Why?" Was all I could stutter out. Joyce groaned.

"Because one has to have a vision for the ever changing face of the all inclusive" she spat. I reckon she'd already said that to Leslie which was why she was annoyed.

"And you think that ever changing face is a sand pit?" I wondered confused. Leslie let out a hearty laugh. Joyce looked extremely annoyed by now. "I think I'll get to work" I stated. "At reception allllll the way inside" I pointed in a very exaggerated way to the building. "And away from this". I know full well Joyce probably hates my guts but most people do when they first meet me. It takes a few years before I start to grow on people.

I went straight inside to reception and was relieved to see Mateo there.

"Hola" he greeted in his usual manner. He eyes flicked down my body.

"Morning" I said winking back. I joined him behind the desk. "How was your night?" I asked flirtatiously.

"I was thinking of you all night long" that could mean one two things. He was thinking of me as he went to sleep. Or he was thinking of me as he touched himself. Either way I was taking as a compliment.

"I bet you could last all night as well" I fired back with the same dirty energy.

"You were wearing nothing but a bottle of alcohol" he whispered. We could have gone on like this for hours but then a man wearing a daft hat appeared in front of us. He looked extremely familiar.

"Please you have to help me?" He pleaded keeping his eyes on the new southern family who had just come out of the lift. But I had definitely heard his voice before. "I think this man is going to hurt me" he whimpered. Then it struck me. It was Martin. The bastard that nearly destroyed the hotel yesterday and forced Madge and Janice to end up getting in a car with a criminal. As you can imagine I wasn't too enthusiastic about helping him. And Mateo wasn't either.

"Do you want me to call you an ambulance?" He asked in a completely monotone voice. The little man came over to Martin with a face that was incredibly hard to read.

"I'm Clive dyke Bianca's father" he had a very strong cockney accent obviously but his voice sounded very formal. It sounded like he was at a business meeting.

"Mr Clive I'm sorry. I didn't know your daughter was a dyke" Martin stumbled very quickly. I sucked air through my teeth in sympathy. What he said did not sound very good.

"What?" Clive questioned.

"Mr Dyke I'm sorry I didn't know your Clive was a minor" he stumbled again. "I mean...". I grabbed the phone from its holder.