When Gaby Valentine started her new job at the Solana hotel she expected it to be quite uneventful. But with rowdy families, crazy coworkers and criminal activity every now and then: it's anything but.
(Starts from season 2 onwards because nothing...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Yesterday me and Janie said the bar was turning into a drag bar much to Mateos dismay. However that was mostly just to get back at Mateo so we didn't actually put it in place. Instead Leslie can continue being Leslie and Mateo has to teach a Aqua aerobics class first thing. It was supposed to start at 10 but by 10:30 Mateo was still nowhere in sight. The horrific reality dawned upon me that if Mateo didn't show I would have to take his place. There were a thousand things I'd rather do than teach an aqua aerobics class to pensioners. Like eating glass.
Me and Leslie were behind the bar. She was talking me through her nail routine which was actually quite fascinating when Janie approached us. "Where's slack Alice?" She asked us referring to Mateo. "I think he went to get changed for his whatchamacallit. Dianetics" Leslie answered. "That was over an hour..." she trailed off "dianetics? Isn't that Scientology?". "Okay now your just making words up" I inputted. "Back to Mateo I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he escaped through the changing room window". As if he had waited for me to say that Mateo suddenly appeared. He was currently wearing a blue dressing gown, flip flops and a green hand band to keep his ebony hair out his face. "Ye of little faith" Leslie whispered to me. "You'll understand after 3 years" I assured her. "Oi Norma bloody Desmond your public are waiting!" Janie bellowed across the resort to him. He stomped over like an angry seven year old. "What on Earth has he got on his head?" Leslie said. "Look who's talking" Janie sarked back to her. I held in a snigger so I didn't make her feel uncomfortable. She ended up having to serve someone at the other end of the bar so I did let out a giggle then. She only started 2 days ago. Mateo stood before us with a face like he had eaten a lemon. "And here we have the rarely spotted Mateo Castellanos. It's distinguished features are its sour face, fashion sense of a 89 year old women and so much grease Maccies could cook their chips on it" I joked. This made his lemon face even worse. "What do you think your playing at?" Janie asked Mateo wanting to know what took him so long. He slammed the boom box that was in his hands down onto a chair. "What am I playing at?" He asked unbelievably. He ripped the dressing gown of him to reveal an abominable red mankini. "Have you seen this?". I gasped at first and then brought my hand to my mouth to try and quiet down my laughing. "Oh my god I take back the 89 year old woman. It's a 60's maternity fitness coach you're going for isn't it?" I spluttered out before doubling over with laughter. Mateo growled at me. "What's wrong with it?" Janie asked trying not to do the same as me. "What is wrong with it? What is right with it?" Mateo raged. "You look..." Janie searched for a word. "...fine?". "Janie I look like a homosexual gay" Mateo complained. "I don't think you can blame that entirely on the Lycra" Janie replied. "Oh nice" I said giving her a high five. At that moment Leslie returned. "Hey hey! It's mr motivator!" She exclaimed when she saw Mateo. "You look fantastic man! Is this for the aerobatics?" She mispronounced it again. Mateo clearly didn't like the compliment. "That's it. I'm going back" he declared. Janie was quickly on his case though. "You are going no where. We've had a dozen pensioners been waiting for you since 10. There's so many hormone patches floating in that pool people are gonna be walking out a different sex" she scolded Mateo. "Ooooo I might join them then" Leslie perked up. Listen if you don't get over there..." she trailed off when her eyes met his crotch area. I followed her gaze and saw a gigantic bulge. "What's going on down there?" Janie asked trying not to laugh. "Bloody hell" I exclaimed holding my stomach because it was still sore from my previous laughing bomb. "Brought an orange for half time?" I joked. Mateo frantically wrapped his dressing gown back around himself. "I'm going back in to change" he persisted. "Right you're going nowhere" Janie said just as persistent. "You either start kicking your legs to Donna Summer on the side of that pool or I'll take this as a formal resignation and your locker will be cleared out within the hour" Mateo rolled his eyes. "Shift" Janie ordered already knowing which choice he would make. He reluctantly grabbed the boom box and sulked over to the pool. "Gaby go make sure he doesn't cop of after 20 minutes. He started late so he'll finish late" Janie told me. "With pleasure" I grinned and fluttered behind Mateo.
