after a grueling hour-long walk to a zoo in the middle of nowhere, the teachers got the students checked into the zoo, and they all just stood there looking at the 4 animals in the front area of the zoo.
for a good 10 minutes, all anyone did was look at sheep.
"this zoo trip fucking sucks!," kaede whined, pulling at her hair.
"akamatsu!," one of the teachers snapped, "language!"
"english!," kaede snapped back before continuing to whine. "i see sheep all the tiiiiime!"
himiko, who was petting one of the sheep through a hole in the fence, gasped dramatically.
"do not say that to Mr Sheepie!," himiko shouted. "he's sensitive!"
"The only cool thing here are the Meerkats!," Shuichi complained. "not even the seals are cool! the seals are literally hiding from us!"
rantaro nodded. "boring."
"well, i disagree!," angie cheered. "just look at those llamas! they-"
As angie reached out to pet a llama, it spat at the ground next to her feet.
"Never mind!," she shrieked.
"we collectively hate this," kirumi announced.
"where in hell is the damn tour guide?," tenko demanded.
"we're running around complaining so much that it feels like we're the animals here! what's next, national geographic is gonna make a documentary about us?," shuichi joked.
Nobody laughed.
"just trying to lighten the mood," he muttered.
"The students are now here at the zoo, waiting for the tour guide to make them suffer through a tour of this shitty place," kokichi chirped, holding his hands up as if he was holding a camera. "tune in to see what boring ass animals these dumbass kids see, only on national geographic!"
"guys, i looked on the map, guess what animal is first on our tour!," maki yelled.
"bats?," miu suggested.
"wrong!"
miu kept guessing. "tigers? pandas? parrots? giraffes? elephants? lions? wolves?"
"cows!," maki announced.
this earned a loud, sad groan from almost everyone.
"You can go outside! And see a cow! we do not need the zoo!," kaede shouted.
"the students fucking hate this," kokichi commented. "they all want to pass away right here and right now."
"damn right!," kirumi affirmed.
"do not worry, everyone~! I have a solution to our predicament!," shuichi announced as he pulled something out of his pocket.
"you brought your fucking hello kitty knife on a field trip?," kokichi muttered.
Shuichi nodded. "i brought the fucking hello kitty knife on a field trip."
"Mr. Saihara!," one of the teachers yelled, "you are required to hand over that knife right this instant!"
"or else what?," shuichi retorted.
this comment made the teacher more angry. "or else we will be calling your uncle and you will be punished severely."
"does this mean i can go home?"
"what- oh, so that's what you're trying to do! it won't work, for your information!"
the teacher snatched the knife and walked away.
"well fuck me in the ass!," kokichi grumbled. "we really can't get out."
"you should have just killed the teacher!," kaede scolded. "you had the knife!"
"not with all these witnesses!," shuichi retorted. "also, kokichi, i would be happy to-"
finally, the goddamn tour guide arrived.
the tour guide was a woman with extremely messy, fluffy hair, and she held a can of pringles in one of her hands.
"hello there, kiddos!," the woman yelled. "i'm akane and I will be guiding you through the zoo today! now, what animals do you kids wanna see?"
"really any animal that can put me out of my misery," ryoma suggested, "got any, say, rabid hyenas?"
"we have one hyena," akane replied.
"is it rabid?," ryoma asked.
"nope, but it is severely injured, so the rest of the staff here are probably going to be putting it out of it's own misery while we're on the tour! no hyena for you!," akane announced.
". . . do you have a sand cat?," kokichi asked.
"a what?"
"sand cat. fluffy cheeks. big ears. very small. a sand cat."
"kiddo, i- i have no idea what that is."
"a. sand. cat. the cat that both fits in your hand and is also an active snake murderer?"
akane took her phone out of her pocket and looked up "sand cat."
"oh, these things!," she shouted. "yeah, we don't have any of those here."
"do you have anything cool?," kaede asked.
"red pandas, but we don't know if you'll be able to see them on the tour. We have lions, but by the time we'll get to then on the tour, they'll most likely be napping. . .," akane replied.
everyone was now even more bored.
"well, put some smiles on your faces! let's get going!," akane announced.
the kids then followed her to the meerkats, which they had already seen.
"we already saw these," tsumugi explained. "no need to see them again, right?"
akane nodded, "yes, but look!"
a peacock suddenly fell into the meerkat enclosure.
"what the fuck?," shuichi shouted. "why is there a peacock?"
"they kinda wander around the zoo," akane explained. "now, as you can see, the meerkats and the peacock are pissing each other off, so they're both getting into defensive positions-"
"the students are now dying because of their sheer boredom," kokichi narrated, "and to make it worse, the next animal on the tour is a fucking cow."
"at least national geographic can film it all!," maki cheered, joining in. "we're your narrators, and this is The Life Of Your Average Depressed Highschooler, a national geographic series!"
"enjoy filming our suffering," kirumi grumbled.
as the tour continued, everyone's spirits were lowered.
they passed cows.
birds.
turtles.
fish.
all animals that you could, arguably, see out in the wild.
but then, akane took the kids into a small building full of tiny animals in cages.
She sat everyone down, and grabbed a snake out of one of the cages.
"now, who wants me to put a snake on their neck!," she asked.
everyone's mood then rised.
unlike the gucci stocks-
( ending this here so that I can make a part 2 when i have more time to make one )
YOU ARE READING
eating tater tots with knives || pregame ndrv3 chatfic
Fanfiction'' i am going to wear my pant-alonies backwards. '' ⇒ i do not own any characters ⇐ a pregame v3 chatfic. contains cussing. ships: ⇒ saiouma ⇒ amaguji ⇒ kaemaki ⇒ tsumiu
