HOME.

00.

Moving on is hard even when you've accepted it, the memories linger still.

A few Months Past.

"Pops we're home!" Klein yelled as we walked into the house, it was unusually silent, I'd expected my husband to be home watching his addiction, football, but he was nowhere. "Dad where is he, I want to show him my missing tooth." Klein worried as I just shrugged. "Probably a business meeting again sweetheart you know he's been busy lately." I told him but the truth is I didn't know where Drake was, he'd been away most of time, distant, and a lot of the time he did come home he felt different, as if there was unknown tension in the air.

"Honey go change, I'll make snacks for you and your sister." I spoke up as we finally closed the door into the house by the kitchen. "Okay, come on Lita." Klein took his sister's hand and they climbed up the stairs slowly, finally the lesson of no running down or up those stairs has been listened to or I was just being hopeful.

It was odd not having Drake home, even on a friday, he always made sure to be home early on fridays but I pressed down my worry, he'd come, then he didn't.

Night time rolled in and the kids finally turned in for bed but he wasn't here. "The number you've dialed is nolonger in service." The operator told me but I ignored it, the annoying message was all she had been telling me everytime I'd called, so I decided to call his parents, it rang first and again, no answer from his mother then his father, he didn't like me, despite of all the years I'd been married to his son, he cut the call on the first ring.

There was no point the keep on worrying, I was probably overreacting, he'd be back in the night, I comforted myself with false words but a part of me knew, it knew that he wouldn't be back.

It hurts to think about, to accept, but the reality was, he didn't come home, and somehow a photo of my husband and someone I knew was not me were kissing very intimately, had made it to me through no one other than his father, I guess he'd be the reaper to my marriage, I don't know where I went wrong, but a lot of things seemed to fit into place and I broke down.
Love had a certain unfair pain, it hurt but the hurt never went away, it burrowed deep and stayed there.

I didn't know if I was going to survive.

Ceres Beau.

You know that feeling between rage and serenity, that pain inbetween chaos and tranquil bliss, when your world shatters yet you don't even know why, when everything goes wrong and you're left wondering why and how did it all go to shit, I was there, I was feeling that pain and it all cascaded down to one man, my husband, I still get butterflies with even the thought of him, he was my world, my everything and now it seems the world was burning and I was trying to escape the flames, I needed to let go.

For months I'd expected him to come back, be in the bed next to me keeping me warm in his arms, I expected that he would be there walking down the stairs with a goofy smile, our son in one hand and our baby girl in his arms, but it never happened, it was never going to be as I placed the eviction notice on the breakfast bar, our marriage had a rocky start, I had nothing, he had everything, so the prenup made sense for his parents, I signed, I never expected a divorce so why worry, I guess I should've worried, but it was too late, the house may have had some of my money put into it but at the end of the day, I had to accept that this home I'd built wasn't mine, what was in it was though, so I'd take what was mine and go.

See life makes you toughen up in the worst of situations, and that's what had happened to me, I had to be brave and strong, because he left in the morning and never came back, a week later divorce papers were served, he hid from me, his parents cut off any connection we had, I had to toughen up, I knew I had to for my children, but it didn't mean at night I didn't cry, it didn't mean I didn't go to his office and scream, it didn't mean I didn't confront his parents about everything and they got a restraining order with the warning of an actual arrest if I got near them, so I stopped, I broke down and broke but it all built me up, my therapist says its being the violent storm then finally finding serenity in the chaos.