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18.

"Drake listen to me, don't let whatever is going on with your father and the comapny come inbetween us and our family, right now we're in a good place, Lola is finally home with us, Klein just had the best time with his little league championship, focus on us and on the good things." He encouraged me, yet I couldn't look him in the eye, guilt eating at me for what I had agreed to do at my father's request.

So he sighed again and came closer to me as we stood in our bedroom, the place I felt the most secure and safe, as if nothing could hurt me, my father couldn't dig his claws into me and I was happy, with the love of my life. "I don't know any way else to help you with this, but we can talk to Danny, go there together." He suggested and I nodded holding him close in an embrace, in truth I wasn't even sure the therapist could help.

I had lied to my husband about how I felt insecure in our relationship, that I wasn't sure having another child was ideal because I wouldn't be there to help, it was complete bullshit, I was wallowing over the fact that my father had asked me to sign documents that made sure that when at some point should my husband and I break up, our children, also him would get nothing, even basic child support.

I had agreed to it so easily because he threatened to take my hard earned career away, to take away my future within the company, all I had ever been daring enough to work for, he threatened it and it worked, I felt guilty for not daring to defy my father, then claim to love Ceres with my very being, clearly it meant something. "We'll get through this." I muttered and he nodded when we separated.

"We've been through worse, I mean we almost broke up like two or is it six times when a certain someone couldn't get it up because they were stressed." He teased me with a chuckle. "Hey, I thought you promised never to mention that." I grumbled in a hushed whisper. "I promised to not say it in public or with family not excluding kids around." He retorted with that smart ass grin and I moved to grab his thighs, hoisting him up to my waist. "Well I'm about to show you not to tease me." I threatened, my lips crashing onto his.

Drake Will.

"The fuck, Drake wake up!" The splash of water had me gasping back to reality. "What the hell Forester!" I yelled angrily wiping away the water. "Well you wouldn't wake up, you were so out of it last night when you were wasted, and just now you were muttering your husband's name, sorry ex husband;" That statement hit somewhere in my heart that I felt a real pang of hurt.

I couldn't fault Forester for his words, I had fucked up, I had lost my husband. "What are you doing here anyway?" I asked noticing that I wasn't in my condo. "Here is my house, you're in my guest room, you don't remember anything at all from last night." He shot back and I hissed when he drew the blinds, sunlight pouring in, warm and rejuvenating. I tried to remember, all that came was Craig and I wasted in some club called Bhangoo's Haven down in the west village, there was a lot booze.

"Wow, you really hit the bottle hard, you and Craig got wasted like extremely wasted and passed out at Bhangoo's Haven, you called Ceres a couple of times, Klein answered to tell you to screw off but then realized you were drunk, so he told his dad who called me." Forester explained and I groaned my head hitting the pillow behind me, had I just fucked up some more in the space of a night.

After what happened with Hugh, Craig had suggested we work our asses off, but then I got a dinner invite from my mother, it was rather an order from her to come which pissed me off because my father would probably be there and like always say his mind, so since it was a friday, Craig suggested we visit Bhangoo's, one shot turned to two then a hundred. "How bad is it?" I asked after a substantial amount of silence.

"I had PR cover up anything in the media, cleaned up Craig and sent him home, nothing from Ceres except a text from Klein." He told me handing me my phone. "I don't want you at my party." I whispered and I grunted, my fist hitting the pillow next to me in anger. "Fuck!" I screamed into the pillow, I had lost my one chance to see both my children and have an actual conversation with their dad. "Fuck my life!" I screamed again. "Drake calm down." Forester asserted.

"No Forester, I can't calm down okay, I can't!" I yelled back clutching my head. "That was my chance, my only chance to see Klein, Lola, Ceres and I blew it again, because I was pissed at my father and I can't even blame him at this point you know." I answered pacing the guest bedroom. "Fuck." I muttered feeling the invisible punch to the gut. "True, you're too old to blame your parents for everything that goes bad in your life, sorry but you need to own up to your shit." Forester supported and I knew he was right.

I chuckled though, how did I get here, how did I Drake Will get to rock bottom, I had an amazing husband, a great loving family, I was what most gay guys my age envied, a stable growing marriage, kids that I constantly worried over, and a freaking amazing man who loved me, I lost it, I lost it all, because I put career and ambition first without thinking of the bigger picture, now the bigger picture is here and I'm not in it.

"I failed Forester, and I absolutely do not know what I'm gonna do." I confessed finally slouching back on the bed. "For starters you can put some underwear on, my wife recently discovered that I experimented a while back with guys and her walking in here with you stark naked isn't a good picture." He replied and I scoffed catching my boxers that he threw at me. "And now we are going to get you prim and proper, I remember something about a dinner tonight." He suggested and I knew exactly where he was going with it.

"Ceres is going to be there." I muttered in surprise realization. "Bingo." Forester stated with a smirk. "If I can talk to him, plead with him to let me come for Klein's party tomorrow, he might agree but I'm not sure about Klein himself, kid is just as stubborn as me and Ceres combined, smarter too, well he got that from Ceres somehow." I chuckled, a warm feeling in my chest when I thought back to my life with my kids and husband.

"You miss them huh." Forester exclaimed sitting next to me in his grey morning robe. "You have no idea, its like every time I see a kid Lolita's or Klein's age, I get this overwhelming feeling to just call Ceres and ask him how they are, but then reality washes back in like a cold shower, you no idea how many times every day that I just want to pick up my phone and call Ceres, have small chat and talk about the upcoming holiday, dinner plans or anything mundane but I can't and it hurts." I confessed with a scoff, I was pathetic.

I couldn't keep up my composure with Forester, I let the tears fall, he patted me on the back. "I'm not great at this love stuff but I know a thing or two about depression and desperation, my friend you have both and it's eating at you slowly, you need to get help and when you see Ceres tonight, keep your cool, don't even attempt to feel angry because what's happening to him and his life is the result of your actions, so I would say go easy on him along with yourself." He comforted me and I accepted.

"Thanks man, for just listening." I told him and he hummed "I havent been a very good friend to you, and I guess I feel guilty for supporting you with the divorce, it was wrong, I may hate my wife at times but she hates my guts too, yet I love her and life without her, would be shit;" He chuckled. "So I kind of know how you're feeling, I also know as men we don't take mental health as something real that affects us just the same, but it is so I won't let you fall into this rabbit hole and lose you." Forester answered and I was in complete shock.

He was different, it seemed he had recently gotten his own wake up call. "Thanks again man, I'm grateful." I say and he nods reassuringly. "Anytime, now get ready, dinner and all, I'll bring you some aspirin for that hangover."

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I realized I needed to have you guys see a bit of Drake, see him shatter.

Saint Jay