Four Page Letters (TeacherxStudent)

Chapter 12

Ms. Dandridge

Friday night had gone. Saturday took forever to end, and I dont even want to begin to explain how Sunday wentover. Here I lie, at 6am on Monday morning. Trying to pull myself out of bed, yet again, I cannot get Charlotte off my mind.

I decided to back off a little after what happened Friday. Once she closed her blinds it took me another twenty minutes to finally pull out of her driveway. I sat in the car, hands on my head with my mind racing. That whole thing with Jack was.. unexpected to say the least. By no means did I know he was going to be there and I didnt want him to know Charlotte was in my car so I had to let him in. What was I supposed to say? No, you cant come in, my seventeen year old student is in my car, waiting for me to ice her brusies and cook her dinner? Yeah right.

He came over to tell me his father had passed. Cancer. I knew he had been sick, but it hasnt been fairly long since finding out about his illness, so it must have been aggressive. Needless to say when he came inside he was all torn up and sad. They were very close, he was the only parent he had left. His mom, Beverly, died about five years prior. So I didnt want to just kick him out, I couldnt just abandon him at a time like that. I had just put on a pot of coffee and when I turned around he was standing in front of me. He had this look in his eyes like he wanted to kiss me. No.. like he needed to. Like he just needed to feel .. something. He began to lean in towards me, and before I could ask what he was doing he kissed me. He just.. he kissed me. I placed my hands against his chest to try and push him back gently, but its like I was frozen. And I dont know why. For some reason I just felt like I needed to give him this. Like maybe it would have made him feel better. But honestly, I felt nothing. There used to be so much spark when he kissed me. And when I felt nothing, I knew the divorce was the right thing to do.

Yet then, of course God had to punish me by allowing Charlotte to walk in on us. Once she made her presence known, my heart immediately hit the ground. I know exactly what she was thinking. Because I know what I would have thought as well, walking in on that. The thing about Charlotte is once she feels like shes showing too many emotions, she tries to put on a brave face. Which made it incredibly hard for me to figure out what she was feeling in that moment. But deep down I already knew. She was hurt, maybe even disgusted because truthfully.. so was I. It took everything in me not to call her the next day. And by Sunday, I was just about ready to drive back to her house. I would wait outside all night if she didn't let me in. I just .. I needed to explain. Not to justify the reasons but to explain nonetheless. I just felt like I needed to let her know how that kiss was absolutely nothing. It meant nothing. I was just trying to comfort the man I was once deeply in love with because I felt like he needed it. I wanted her to understand that would never happen again. And while I wrecked my brain trying to figure out why the hell I wanted her to know such things, especially that it would never happen again, I finally had to admit it to myself. There was no use in seesawing whether I had the feelings or not. No more contemplating. I definitely have developed feelings for my student.

I don't know how, nor when the feelings actually started. All I know is they are very much there and it has been driving me completely insane. The attraction is there. I've always thought she was absolutely stunning, yet when I saw her in just a bra and joggers.. wow.. let me tell you. Bruises and all.. that girl has a body. She's incredibly smart, and I know she's probably hilarious although I know life has not been kind to her. I know theres a bubbly personality in there somewhere. I wanted her to get comfortable enough around me to be able to express herself. To just be herself. Without fear. I just wanted her around me, as I definitely wanted to be around her. She makes me want to throw caution to the wind and just enjoy life and tackle something new. Although the thought of beginning a relationship with a woman sort of intimidates me but for her, I am more than willing to try.