Four Page Letters (TeacherxStudent)

Big Girls Don't Cry

Charlotte

I woke up to an empty bed. Which is always a bad sign after you've spent the night with someone. I peeled back the covers and climbed out of bed. Realizing I hadn't had any clothes on, and my dress must still be on her kitchen floor. Thats great. I saw a bath robe hanging over the door so I grabbed it and slipped it on, tying it at my waist. The bedroom door was cracked but I hadn't heard any sounds coming from downstairs. I opened the door and slowly made my way down.

I rounded the corner and saw her standing in the kitchen. She was leaning against the counter, a coffee mug in her hands as she stared aimlessly out the window. An uneasy feeling settled in my stomach as I watched her absentmindedly lost in thought. I already knew what was coming. I cleared my throat to make my presence known. She looked over her shoulder and gave me a weak smile. A forced smile. Her eyes were puffy and tired. Her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail and she wore an oversized tshirt with nothing underneath. Well no pants at least. "Hi.." She said softly. "Hey.. Sorry about the robe, I hope you dont mind." She shook her head as she poured herself another cup of coffee. "Its fine. Your dress is in the laundry room, just came out the dryer." She turned around and faced me, "Help yourself. Then can you join me in the living room?" She said. She didnt even bother waiting for me to respond as she walked around me. I knew this meant we needed to "talk" about last night. And I knew the conversation would not be easy yet it was inevitable. I havent even had time to wrap my head around everything that happened last night and she's already ready to tell me how huge of a mistake it was, it will never happen again and probably kick me out. Some kind of love...

I skipped her coffee invitation and went straight into the living room. I took a seat on the loveseat across from her. Not wanting to be too close to her. I sat there and waited for her to invite me to sit closer but she never did. My heart began to flutter in my chest as I waited for her to say something. "Umm, so we should talk. About .. last night." I nodded waiting for her to continue. She sighed, "Well first I want you to know that last night was.. magical to me. And I thank you for trusting me with your body. You made me feel .. God I cant even explain it. I haven't felt that way in a very long time and it was sensational. The way you touched me.. the way you tasted me.. it was amazing." She sat her cup down on the table and folded her legs underneath her. "And I meant what I said. All of it. I do love you Charlotte. I have for a while.." "But." I said.

Theres always a 'but'.

"But last night was... it wasn't a mistake. I dont want you to think I regret it at all because I dont. Its just.. I think we both know it cant happen again. Its honestly too risky. And I just think I need to make it clear that we cant be in a relationship. At least not now.. And I can't hold up your life and expect for you to wait for me until after graduation. Its not even your age— I mean had we met in another life, a different setting I would jump at the opportunity to be with you. Its just.. I cant lose my job. And I know all of that was very much relevant before we did anything but I've been up all night thinking about this." I didnt say anything. I just sat there nodding. Waiting for her to finish talking so I could leave. I felt myself getting extremely saddened but more so angry. Angrier than I think I've ever been in my life. Because at this point .. im completely over this entire situation. Im tired of her being on this roller coaster. Especially after last night... like we shared such intimacy and now she's just going to dump me?! I cant believe I've been so naive to think this would ever be something real. Was she just using me?

"Charlotte?" I blinked a few times and looked at her. "Whats going through your mind right now?" She asked. "I'd like to leave." I said standing, "Where did you say my dress was?" I stood and walked through the kitchen looking for my dress. "Charlotte, wait come on lets talk." She grabbed my arm and I snatched it away. "Please do not touch me." I told her. "Where is my dress?" I asked again. She walked past me through the kitchen. She returned with my dress and handed it to me. "Is there a bathroom down here?" I asked her. "Charlotte I've seen your body before. You can change in front of me." I turned around and started walking down the hall until I came across a door. Opening it, I was thankful I found what must be the guest bathroom. I opened the door and looked at her, she stood there with her eyes set on me. "Ohh and since we're making things 'clear' please know that you may have seen my body before, but you will never see it again." I went into the bathroom and shut the door behind me.

I got dressed quickly. I dont want to linger here any longer. I felt like I was going to cry my eyes out but Im trying my best to keep it together. I refuse to cry in front of her. Yes, I am sad .. im hurt but those tears would stem from my anger more than anything. I opened the bathroom door and walked back down the hall. She was still in the last place I left her. "Umm so I had a little purse last night. Have you seen it? I need my phone." "Charlotte look I get you may be upset— "Upset?" I interrupted her. "Upset. Thats what you think I am?" She backed away from me. "Charlotte you have to understand the position im in." "You know, you may not regret anything but I do. I regret getting into this whole ordeal because I've been let down and hurt before, but its never cut this deep. I wish you never had feelings for me. I wish you never knew I had feelings for you either because my shitty life was so much better when I loved you in secret."

Tears began rolling down my face as I watched her. I knew my words hurt her, but that just makes two of us. "Charlotte, Im sorry. I.. I didnt mean to upset you and I.. I don't know, I take it all back. I didnt mean any of it okay?! Just please dont be mad at me. Please dont shut me out." "What type of game are you playing? You just said all that crap to me and you think by saying you 'take it back' is going to make me forget all about it? Are you serious?" She said nothing. I mean, how could she? "Charlotte please listen to me for a second. Im not trying to backpedal here I just... "Its fine really." She sighed, "Charlotte please stop cutting me off and let me— "Did you know I would sleep with you? Because you know I've been head over heels in love with you for God knows how long. Was it easy? Was I ea— "Charlotte, Stop!!" She slammed her hand on the countertop, her yell was so loud I jumped and backed into the wall behind me. She began walking towards me and I practically ran to the other side of the kitchen. "Charlotte what are you..." she looked at me for a moment before the realization must have set in. "Charlotte, hey. Get that thought out of your head. I would never ever put my hands on you. Despite what you may think now I truly love you. And I would never hurt you." Her words fell on deaf ears. I know what people are capable of when they're angry. And right now, I just want out of this house.

My heart was hammering in my chest. I slowly backed away from her, my eyes watching her every movement in case she came any closer. I moved around her swiftly as I went through the same door from last night. Coming into the garage, I went to the passenger side of her truck and opened it. I found my bag and pulled out my phone seeing I had several missed texts from Abby. Ignoring them I immediately unlocked my phone and dialed her number.

"Char! Where the hell have you been? I didnt know what happened to you?!" She screamed through the phone. "Can you please come and get me? I'll explain everything. Just please pick me up." I looked over my shoulder and saw Rosalynn standing there, now wearing a pair of gray sweatpants. I didnt know the exact address where I was, on both occasions of me coming here she had driven me and I didnt pay much attention to my surroundings. So I walked to the end of the driveway and gave her the cross streets. "Char, thats a bit of a drive away. Its going to take me a minute to get there." Sighing, I knew it would be at least half an hour but I needed out of this place now! "I think there may be a Starbucks or something up the road a little. I'll send you the address once I get there because I cannot stay in this place a minute longer. Just start heading out now." She said okay and I ended the call.

Rosalynn began walking towards me. I took a few steps back and she stopped in her tracks. "Charlotte, please don't leave like this. Please give me a chance." I shook my head, "I've already given you a chance. And look how its turned out. I never in a million years thought I would ever share personal space with you. I've loved you in secret for as long as I can remember and honestly I was contempt with that. But since that secret has come to the light we have experienced nothing but mishaps. I have no experience with love.. but I'm sure this isn't how its supposed to work. Honestly, I don't doubt you love you me. And I hope you know that I love you also. But this... this just isnt going to work. Like you said, maybe in another life.." Tears were streaming down my face, "This just wasn't meant to be. And... This. This is goodbye. Life has never been a friend of mine, so Im not surprised. This was destined to fail from the beginning." "Char—"
I held up my hand, "No.. please dont. Dont say otherwise. I have to go now. Abby is going to come and get me so I think I saw a coffee shop up the street and I'll wait for her there. Please.. don't follow me. I also think its best we cease all communications from here on out."

We stood there staring each other down. Her eyes were blood shot red. Her lips quivered and tears were staining her cheeks. I took in a deep breath, wiped my face and turned away from her. I began walking up the street, part of me wishing she would run after me. The better half knowing she should stay away. She'll forget all about me as time goes on. I'll be just a hiccup from her past. She'll move on with her life, and I'll go back to loving her in secret.