Four Page Letters (TeacherxStudent)

Chapter 22

Rosalynn

Dear Charlotte

I hope this letter finds you well. I received the letter you had written from Abby. She really is a sweetheart. We talked for a few minutes and she shed some light on a few things for me. Honestly, I contemplated even responding to your letter. I thought maybe that was just your final goodbye. But then I realized thats not how I want us to end. Not again. Besides, there are some things you said in your letter that I must address.

For starters I do think about that night. Much too often. In fact, the memory of you walking away will forever be embedded in my mind. Some where in the world, someone is praying for you... and that someone is me. Charlotte I have loved and lost in this lifetime but nothing compares to seeing you walk away from me. It broke me to pieces. And you are well within right to hate me. I would hate me also. But make no mistake, I would never do something so trashy as to share such intimacy with you, then break up with you. As much as I loved being your first, I would much rather be your last. I know, I know thats not how it seemed because I went and stuck my foot in my mouth. Im not the best at expressing my thoughts and although what I said was very true, it came out completely wrong. But im glad you understood what I was saying.

Had I known you've been in love with me all this time, then yes I would have asked you to wait for me Charlotte. Graduation isnt far off so I know we would have made it work. So yes.  That keeps me up every night. If I knew then what I know now we wouldnt be writing these letters to one another. Yet again. I did not throw you away Charlotte. I could never! You mean so much to me, I would never do that to you! I was inside my own head. Once again I was trying to figure out why the hell you would want someone my age. Im nearly thirty, already have been married and divorced. I may even be damaged goods. Why does someone like me deserve a second chance at love?

I have asked God to send me a love so pure. Someone genuine, who will love me no matter what. Through whatever. And apparently thats been right in front of me all along. He sent me you and I was too naive and foolish to realize it. (So I guess that makes two of us) Despite our teacher/student circumstances, I cant believe I let you slip away. I respect your decision to revert back to calling me by my surname. You know, crazy thing happened in my 3rd period about a month back. A student asked me what should they call me since I'm no longer married. And I said just "Miss" Dandridge. They all looked so confused. I explained that I never took on Jacks' last name when we got married. I love my last name, it holds so much power to me. Its a reminder of my late father every time I hear it. And I said even if I were to get married one day I would never change my name.

Anyways, I was sitting at my desk just smiling like an idiot. I kept repeating "Rosalynn Avery" in my head over and over again. And I remember thinking, wow! I love the way that sounds. I would change my name for you Charlotte. I think if my father was alive he would approve. I know he would have adored you.

I hate that you had to deal with Laura again. In fact, I hate her! I hate that she can even lift a finger to hurt you. I hate that I wasnt there to protect you. (I would have killed her) But I'm glad to hear you've take the necessary steps to protect yourself. That day you came back, I was going to approach you. But as I was walking there my emotions got the best of me. I thought after all this time had passed you wouldn't even speak to me. The more I kept walking I just thought it may have been a bad idea and I would be an emotional wreck. But I would have told you I'm sorry, knowing that no apology would ever suffice. Im sorry for all you've had to endure, even at my hand. That I've missed you so much, and Im stupid to have ever let you out of my sight. And yes, I would have wrapped you in my arms right then, in that very moment and probably never let you go.

You say I have a hold on you. When in reality you have no idea what you do to me. The way you look at me IS the reason I smile. You have consumed my thoughts and I wouldnt want it any other way. I miss you so much it hurts and I'm losing my mind. I know I screwed up with you Charlie. I know. I will literally get on my hands and knees a beg for another chance. So we can have a proper conversation about us and what the future may hold. I would love to spend Christmas break with you, even if I only see you for a day. I dont want to be your favorite memory, I want to make memories with you. Please give me a chance to really explain my feelings. These last weeks have been the absolute worst and I cant take it anymore. So after you finish this letter, if you're okay with possibly talking it out with me, please call me.

I'll leave this letter in your mailbox. If I dont hear from you, I'll understand. I know you're tired of this roller coaster, as am I. Im not playing games any more. I just want to make things right. Im completely, whole heartedly, undeniably in love with you Charlotte.

Yesterday I wanted you
But now I know I want you..
Even more
Yesterday I loved you
Today I think I love you
Even more..

-Love, Rosalynn

I took the letter and folded it up, slipping it into an envelope. I opened the car door and quickly ran across the street and put the letter in her mailbox. I ran back to the car and looked at her house one last time before driving off. The only thing I can do now is wait. And I pray she calls me.

A/N: Im glad Rosalynn has realized the games she plays with my girl Charlie 🙄 Shes all over her one moment, then is telling her they could never be, then back to being all over and on and on and on. Hopefully she got her shit together now. We'll see.

Also- the little excerpt at the end is from a song by MAJOR called Even More 💕