The one with conversations

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Penelope pov

My leg is jumping up and down as just wait for them to arrive back at the office, hoping that you come in yourself so i don't have to go through the awkwardness of taking you here myself. Having to see the others questioning looks. And i'm right as someone opens the door.

"Hi Pen, Morgan told me to tell you that we're back now" you say but instead of turning and leaving to do the aftermath of paperwork after the case. All the questions about how it went down, why you did what you did and stuff like that. "Is everything okay?" you ask and i notice that i'm just staring at you in total silence. "Penelope?" i'm still not moving as you move closer to me, letting the door close behind you.

"What?" It's like i regain consciousness.

"I asked if you were okay" you have a gentle smile on your lips that almost looks like the one's on those case photos. Maybe it is a fake smile, for all i know everything about you can be fake. The case was graded with a level of clearance, importance and how dangerous it was. C9 I9 D10, highest level being 10. I looked it up.

"I know it's not something you wanna talk about but you promised that you'd tell me over a coffee sometimes but that never happened, and i can't handle secrets. It makes me feel like i don't know you, and i do, i do know you because you're one of my best friends..." you take my hand in yours to stop me from rambling on.

"You wanna know why i needed to be with Emily as a precaution?" i just nod as i don't trust my voice to not ramble. "You are not to search this up, it will cause a lot of trouble for all of us. I'm gonna need you to promise that" but i can't, because i already did and you can see it in my eyes. "You already did, didn't you?"

"I didn't mean to, i don't know why i even searched you up. It just came up but i didn't see anything, just a few pictures, dates and..."

"It's okay honey, you can't even hack that file, it's empty under the black lines because the only copy is on real paper locked away only the gods know where" you have a small laugh to your words.

"I'm sorry i just need to know, i don't like secrets" even though that's not the only reason. I just want to know more about you, i can't help it.

"When i was working at Interpol, i signed up for a case, not knowing any details. Me and my team went to Norway to take down someone really bad..."

"Like Doyle?" you look questiongly at me from your spot against the wall, not sure i'm even supposed to know about that. "Prentiss told us about it"

"Well my guy was much worse than Ian Doyle Penelope, so much worse. But we did what we had to do without getting caught, until nine months in when someone snitched on us" now you're looking at the floor as you lean back.

"But it said you were there for almost eleven?" i remember some of the dates, it had said August of 2010 to June of 2011.

"It took three weeks for them to get to us, but by then... i was the only one left. I had led my own team to death" you meet my gaze again but even if your voice almost breaks there isn't a single tear in your eyes. But i feel one falling down my own cheek. Before i can say anything else you move on and say. "I had to take a year off from any kind of work, and i left Interpol. Moving to a less dangerous job where i don't need to be gone for months, the BAU. That's why Aaron made Emily watch over me, because i had practically forced the doctors to clear me for the field again."

"I'm..." i don't even have any words because i don't know what to say in a situation like this. If you had broken down i would have known, if you had shown any kind of emotion i would have known, but now i don't.

"But it's okay, i've accepted it and moved on so i don't want to talk about it. Okay"

"Okay" i answer automatically. Now my plan about backing away from you isn't going to go well I guess, i just can't. Can't continue to push you away from me anymore, as much as i hate it because i'm all about being independent. I need you, i've become dependent off you.

"I need to get going on that paperwork now so i'll talk to you later" you have now turned back to the normal you, it's a bit jarring.


Five days later

Y/n pov

I hear another knock echo through the apartment and into our shower. Lena signs against my lips but i ignore it and pull her up to me again. The hot steaming water is running over our faces as we continue to lock lips when there is another hard knock.

"I'll go check" i kiss her one last time before stepping out of the shower, fastly drying up my hair a bit before wrapping a towel around me. I start to make my way through the apartment and towards the door. Passing the couch on the way. As i open it i breathe out as i see how it is.

"I was in the neighbourhood and thought i'd give you a ride" Morgan says and i hear the bathroom door close.

"It's 2 am Morgan" i say but his gaze answers my question. "We got a case, where?"

"Portland so we get to sleep on the plane, but briefing at the office. But i have a feeling you haven't checked your phone"

"I was... in the shower" i answer hesitantly. I add a gesture with my hand towards the towel around me.

"Who is it?" Lena calls out as she comes out in a robe. She sees Morgan and as she comes up to stand next to me she says. "Hi, Derek. What are you doing here?" Even though she can guess the answer.

"I came to pick your girl up" he says jokingly and they both laugh.

"Come in" i say, opening the door so he can come in. "I'll be ready in five"

"What a lovely home" he says, making conversation with Lena as i walk into the bedroom. Quickly putting on a pair of jeans and a light grey t-shirt, putting my still wet hair in a loose ponytail before grabbing my bag. I hear them both laugh as i come out of leave.

"Okay bye" Lena calls from the door, still in her robe. "I love you"

"Love you too" i answer and instantly realise i didn't 'i love you' but only 'love you too', Morgan is so gonna question me about it but he doesn't mention it for the entire ride.

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