my very first trans thought?
I mean, I know when it was. 8th grade history class, in the spring, close to graduation.
K cut her hair in the middle of class, 5th period, and I was shellshocked. my parents kept my hair long against my will because they loved it, no matter how much I complained.
and I mean, the moment I saw her tie her hair up and go at it with the scissors......I wanted to jump right up and ask if she'd cut mine. in the most horrid way possible. into a boy's cut, to "handle the heat better", or to just shave my head right then and there. I was mesmerized at the mental image of myself with short hair.
I think that's when something first clicked in me that some deep, DEEP part of my identity did not conform to the mold it was expected to. the beginning of a war. the realization that this tiny, incorrect piece, was somehow me.
that was maybe late 2018. I had yet to define that piece until early 2021.
that graduation I fought my mom on wearing a dress to the ceremony. said I wanted to wear a suit. I wasn't sure why, and there was no graduation. go home. see you in 2019, for your freshman year.
