I think in general my life has been going great up until you look at my home environment
sometimes I fear I won't be able to get married or have kids because I become aggressive towards family because of my own dynamic. to have you made out of my own flesh and blood? it terrifies me that I could end up horribly hurting you because 2 stupid teens completely failed their job
my mouth tastes like burnt rubber and my heart feels like a devastating car crash on the highway, completely stopping traffic for days. it's the little things that get to me. I'll jail you over eating my ice cream.
but in general it is: I have to fight for my own food down to the literal crumbs of bone, and I didn't even have my own room until I was 17, and I couldn't even shower alone until I was 13. I crave badly to be anywhere but here and I want to never hear from my family again. family doesn't matter to me. it never has and I fear that if I don't fix my shit the moment I can slip away, it never will
it's not like I don't see how overdramatic I'm being. I see it but at this point it's entirely a build up of years of neglect. the favouritism of your youngest brother and the assumption that you're his mother.
I can be a functional human being anywhere else in the world but put me in a room with those 4 people and I am the worst man to ever exist, who will drop lower than the depths of hell for my revenge against them and what they decided would be a good upbringing for me. I'll be criticized for my tears and told I was given the world of a roach infested apartment and cat piss everywhere.
there isn't a point to this one. I need help.
