this one is hard to write because even now I lay in immense pain
bad choices and bad choices and tons of trauma leading to more bad choices got me right where I am
mom, why did you give birth to me? your mother got sick and she made you sick and in return I'm now sick too. have you no humanity? Would you have done the thing if you saw my life and knew I would live with the same illnesses as you?
I don't want to lay broken and bleeding at 17. I don't want anymore meds, and I don't want to watch my eating, and I don't want to carry pain meds and my emergency info constantly with me, and I've learned to take several pills at once with nothing but my own spit.
my body feels like it shakes, cracks and rumbles with every slight disturbance. I can't be too hot. I can't eat too little. I can't lay down after eating. I can't always stand up when I want to. my heart thunders in my chest though I am completely at rest and I'm tired of begging it to calm down for even just a sec
I never want to be dependent on pain meds. I feel hysterical not even being 25 and on the floor in tears constantly over a body that isn't quite mine
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
I am constantly in pain
grant me peace of body and let me sleep for a century. then I'll try again
