I forget love comes in many different forms, in many different ways
today, I was crying over the stupidest. thing. possible. I mean, so insanely dumb that even you'd laugh at me. but I dry heaved and loudly sobbed from the comfort of my bed the moment it came
I cried for about 2 hours without end, and then I decided to confide in just 2 friends with it. I thought, maybe I should text my top best friends? but what do you do when you CAN'T trust them with something like this, can't speak those words to someone that knows you so well, so dearly?
the first one, she didn't understand too well, but she was kind. kinder than I felt I deserved. she didn't make it about the situation at all, she made it about...hugging me. she made it about comforting me like I did with her just a few days prior in a similar situation. I thought, how funny, that I could find love like that just for caring about someone
the second one, well, she's been my best friend for 10 years straight. she's the other half of my #1. I'm not sure there would be a me without her, or a her without me. and I begged her to tell me I was stupid. I just needed to hear that I was a complete fucking idiot, the dumbest guy around, even requested she throw me down the biggest flight of stairs we can find next time we saw each other. I begged and begged her to be her characteristic but charismatic mean to me that she usually is, how she tells me I'm voluntarily deaf dumb and blind when it came to fake friends and stupid boys...but instead she told me, "that's apart of life. loving someone even if they suck but you still love them no matter what"
it broke me. I didn't expect it would, but when I felt I truly deserved to be slapped across the fucking face for something, she never ever did it. She's the girl assigned to sucker punch me in the gut as hard as she can repeatedly if I ever got pregnant, the girl who's held grudges against every ex friend and boyfriend even when I didn't, the girl who found a way to contact me behind her mom's back and keep our friendship going for years more after her mom blocked me for something my sister said! and she didn't tell me I was being stupid just for loving
I want to tell you what's on my mind, but I don't know how to articulate it, and quite frankly I think it would be selfish of me to hold you back from a life you deserve like that. doesn't matter if you turn into a chronic idiot when situations like this arise, I guess I do too. I'll find a way. one of these days I'll get out of bed and tell everyone what I need to say
