18 is the hardest age I've experienced
now I can vote, and make my own doctor's appointments. I begged my mom for a box of my favourite gummies like a little kid
now my future is dependent on me, and living costs a lot of money...I got a tummy ache eating too many of my favourite muffins
it makes me yearn for a childhood I didn't even know was falling through my fingers like sand.
I think a lot about what I can do. I think a lot about what I can't do either. one thousand failed relationships, one million angry men, and I've never had my heart shattered so slowly, and so quietly...
for what felt like centuries I sat on a sticky carpet, tears pouring from my eyes and hitting a cardboard box with a single ring in it like the great flood. this pain is biblical. this ache is a phantom pain
and I am fucking hopeless. am I the punisher or the punished? look at the support system I have- and I come to them with teary eyes, exclaiming "they convinced me otherwise!"
look at the love I am so desperate to keep. settled deep in my heart like a poison taking over- and it's not that I CAN'T do anything to stop it, I can! the antidote is right there. I am just so accustomed to suffering that at this point it's comforting.
is this worth it? is anything worth it? am I just a boy made of inevitable heartbreak?
I'm too weak to end things, I've always been. I've never ended a single thing in my life on my own volition. how do you manage to be a man always taking action and still never actually doing anything, especially not anything good?
my 2 favourite drinks in the whole world are chocolate milk and coca cola
