Better go Solo

Chapter 31

Josy and Kieran agreed on the new version of the song. Ash and I shared the text. Even though I was scared that I was not talented enough so record a good song with my most favorite band. I had the feeling that I would ruin the song.

We sat down at the sofa and Kieran turned on the tv. I looked down to my hands in which I held a glass filled with juice. Josy sat next to me and looked at her phone scrolling through her instagram feed. Kieran told me that they always watched a show together that would begin soon. Suddenly he stopped switching channels.

»That's you!« Kieran determined and looked at the tv with big eyes. I also looked up and actually saw us at the talk show which was recorded some days ago. Ash jumped over the backrest and landed on the sofa next to me.

»Who's that blondie there?« Patrick asked and leaned forward with his elbows leaned on his knees.

»That's Heather, the singer« I answered rolling my eyes.

»I already don't like her« Sam mumbled when he saw her look at us when we answered before she could. Josy and I started laughing.

»You won't belief what she told us afterwards« Josy said and took a sip from the bottle of beer someone gave her. Now the boys were curious and looked at us closely.

»She told us that we don't get anything paid for the new album because the wanted to charge us costs she was supposed to take« I explained. Kieran seemed shocked.

»She wants to take your money?« He asked.

»I don't really know. I asked her for a detailed list of everything and probably talk about that with dad's lawyer« I said.

We continued watching the show until Kieran changes program again to watch the show he actually wanted to watch.

I stood in front of the wall on which various picture frames with different awards hung also the covers of every album and single they ever recorded hung there. In front of the wall Ash placed various guitars I looked at closely. I touched one of them when I realized that my skin was very dry again so I straightened up. I went upstairs to get my hand creme that were inside my backpack.

Peppily, I opened the door of Ash's bedroom just to see him sitting on this bed with a syringe in his hand. He winced when he realized me being here and let the string he wrapped around his upper arm slip out between his teeth.

I blinked several times until I went towards my backpack to get the creme I wanted.

»Just go on« I said while searching the contents of my backpack. He hesitated and looked at the syringe in his hand.

When I stood up again with the creme in my hand he still stared at the filled syringe. He looked sad that I went towards him and sat down next to him.

»Look what I've become« He said and sighed dejectedly. I stroked his upper arm the string was not on.

He looked down on his arm and tightened the string again before he stuck the needle in. The contents of the syringe mixed with his blood before he pushed down the plunger. He leaned back to the headboard of the bed so I took the syringe out of his hand to put it onto the nightstand. I did not want him to hurt on it so I took it away. A small trickle of blood went down his arm.

His eyes were closed and he seemed to enjoy the effect the drug had to his body. He fully relaxed.

»How does it feel like?« I asked and leaned my head onto his shoulder.

»The pain disappears, the world is getting slower. I'm happy and stop to care about thinks I don't want to care about. First it's like an orgasm then I'm in a good mood for several hours until I need it again« He described while he caressed my thigh.

»What pain?« I asked and looked in his eyes he opened again. He sighed.

»You have to promise me to not tell anyone. Just the band knows about that and I would be fucked if the public would know« He said. His hand went further up my leg.

»I promise« I replied and got even more curious.

»My parents died when I was just a child and I grew up in children's home. I am officially clinically depressed and had been in therapy before the band got together. I used the music as an outlet for my emotions. I got addicted because of my ex girlfriend« he told me and caressed my cheek before he kissed me.

I did not know if I was that drunk again that I said things again without thinking about it but the next sentence leaving my mouth was clearly not planned.

»I wanna try it« I breathed.

The promise I gave my dad was forgotten and any semblance of common sense left my brain. I just wanted to feel everything he described to me. I wanted that pain I felt since mom died to disappear. I wanted to stop caring about everything that would not bring me forward.

He laughed dryly. »Not in a million years« He replied and put the string in the drawer of his nightstand.

»Please« I whispered and looked him deeply in the eyes.

»I will not sign your death warrant« He contradicted and looked at me pleasingly.

»I want to feel what you feel« I almost begged him.

»You can't feel what I feel« He contradicted again.

»You don't know anything about me« I corrected him.

We fought a battle looking at each other. I sat on his lap and hand one of my hands on his neck. Nervously he played with his teeth on the piercing in his lip.

He grabbed a loose hair strand and twisted it with his fingers. He shook his head.

»You have parents who care for you and apparently support you in your dream. How can your life be so awful that it would justify taking one of the most dangerous drugs existing« He just said and looked down.

»Little do you know« I replied.

He sighed before he pushed me off his lap and stood up.

»You'll be fully responsible for everything that's going to happen« He said with an angry touch in his voice and went to the huge dresser which covered one of the walls completely. I looked after him confusedly until he turned around and ripped open the packaging of a syringe. My eyes widened.

He went into his on-suite bathroom and came back shortly after. I still sat on his bed and watched him coming back to me. He put the syringe now filled with a liquid on the nightstand and sat down next to me again.

»Come here« He murmured with his rough voice. He pulled me over so I was between his legs with my back leaned on his chest.

»That's a terrible idea« He blamed me and tightened the string around my upper arm.

»I know« I admitted. He laughed dryly.

»Hold it with your teeth« He said and held up the end of the string. I did as he told me. He grabbed my left forearm with his left and and stroked over the word 'Sinner' written just below the crook of my elbow.

»Why do you think you are a sinner?« He asked right next to my ear whispering. I just shook my head to show him that I did not want to talk about it. I even had to hold back my tears which were coming up when I thought about the reason. Luckily he changed topics.

»You see that vein there?« He asked and pointed at one of the blue lines under my skin. I nodded and stared at the needle spellbound. As he did on himself he stuck the needle in my skin and the liquid inside the syringe mixed with my blood before he pushed down the plunger.

The prick hurt but was immediately suppressed by a unbelievably good feeling floating through my entire body. I closed my eyes and leaned back onto his chest. I felt his warm skin on mine and my entire body was covered in goosebumps.