Only For You

XXVIII) Marion- Maybe More

Listen up, I'm not some novelist from the streets, but I think I know a thing or two about things. Maybe it's just because I'm missing Nick so badly right now. He's dead and if that's right, then I better get some help. "Hold short." Air traffic controller yelled at me. "Affirmative." I snapped back. My hand clenched my wrist as hard as it could. My plane taxied to the northern runway. I was ready -to fight. I never thought I'd turn my love for flying into one that requires me to fight. I'm sick of it, sick of it all. The engines whirred as I positioned the throttle to full power. The parking brake popped off and before I knew it I was airborne. Oh, but something hurt.

The hairs on my back stood up as the plane bounced in the air. "Marion, South." I was commanded by the captain. "No, I'm not going south.." I said back trying to be kind. "Hey, if you don't listen, you will be dishonorable. Marion, you're at your last shot because you're the best we got. You show up all the men here. When can you have a little faith in yourself? Why can't you just take it as it comes? I see your potential. Why don't you look in the mirror?" His voice was strict and stern. He displayed too much arrogance. "Sir, I don't have that at all. You're just filling me with words. Why don't I show it myself, huh? Why don't I prove to you that I'm better than what I have to go through. Maybe you'll have some eyes opened." I closed my eyes and switched frequencies without permission. I followed his directions, but not without fighting.

My mind went back to Nick hugging me. I'd never get that back. I'd never get his cute personality back. If they did not find him I would be totally broken inside. I'm done and sick of it all. I took out the paper that he'd given me back at the farewell. His perfect handwriting reflected back into my eyes. The sun was setting and the cockpit got cold. I put my flight jacket across my lap while remembering the sunset date I had with Nick. How kind he was.

It seems never ending at this point. The daily mail says that about 4 million people have died. That is a lot of people, more than I want to die. Every single day seems to have a progression that is getting worse and all. I wish this would end, and I wish it would end so fast. I guess at this point it is who knows what. The tragedies of the world are ridiculous. It's done and I'm done. Can't we all just surrender? That is a negative because apparently that would just be too easy to do so.

My mind zoned off in a daze while my hands controlled the plane. I'm sick of this and I'm dead serious. Why do people think they have a right to just fight? The assumptions get the best of people. There's no such thing as an amiable person anymore. There's no comrades, no such thing as home, and even no such thing as compassion. I began to fall asleep behind the yoke. My head nodded off to the side. I woke back up and began to daydream a little. "Marion, you bad girl. No one like you deserves to fly. Why would anyone consider giving you a license?" My friend's voice echoed in my head. Suddenly the scene turned to me standing at an airport. My eyes looked out towards the apron on the other side of the window. Plane after plane took off as the sun shone through the glass and into my eyes. The sweet smell of coffee filled the walls of the airport. Jet engines firing up rumbled the ground. Of course the tiny hairs along my spine stood up. I took a breath... a big breath.

The lights seemingly dimmed lower and lower. As I took a long and deep breath I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder. My mind immediately turned to ignoring it. When the hand tapped my arm I was swept away and turned around. A pair of hands turned me around. Immediately I recognized the face, the face of Nicholas. "Oh my gosh Nick!" He wrapped me into a tight hug. "Marion... you cannot stay, you have to leave."

Just like that the dream was gone. I could have sworn that I felt him hugging me. I guess that's not even happening. I'm hallucinating -yet I did absolutely nothing. I took yet another breath -it was almost as if my breath was fading away from me. The anger was kindled deep within my soul. I didn't want to fail at this, but I guess I am. My vision opened up to a nice sunset. Some of the clouds almost looked like blood red while other parts looked orange like a pumpkin. The mega size of a cloud covered the sky. I walked towards the hangar when I was met with Nick again. These dreams killed me. "Nick." I mumbled. "Hey, what are you doing here? Right now?" He asked shyly and politely. His smile said something about how he knew why I was there. He obviously knew I still liked him. "Nothing." I replied. To my shock he took my hand and walked me down the apron. With each step he walked closer to me. After the first five minutes I was finally confident and comfortable enough. "Ahh that plane is pretty. I used to want to fly one of those." He said as he pointed out the Cessna 180.

We continued to walk until he found a bench. As we neared it his hand accidentally slipped away from mine and I was not paying close attention to where I was going. I almost tripped, but his hand caught me. "Marion, come here please." He sat down and signaled for me to sit right next to him. When I sat down he scooted me closer and out his arm around me. "N..." I mumbled, but then he interrupted me. "Shhh." He said. We were sitting so close. His other hand held mine until he disappeared ten minutes later.

The storm flashed my eyes more than ever before.