Only For You

XXXVIII) Marion: Maesonry

The best time in my life was the second semester of the eleventh grade. Everyone seemed to care for me more than ever before. I finally made a friend, a good one. She was so kind and she gave me a life I really needed. With the beginning of the war happening driving that second semester I knew it would somehow take away my life in a way that was impossible to fathom. This friend ended up turning on me when I was finally deployed at the start of my college years. She thought I was inadequate because I lied to her. I said that I was not a pilot when I really was.

After opening the deployment letter I strictly remember lying my head down on my pillow and crying. I felt the immediate repercussions of the war. Who am I? No one. I hadn't even left yet and I was already depressed. What is happening? Death. The moment my eyes tracked the words on the letter I cried even harder. "Marion! Marion!" I still recall my mother's voice echoing through the hallway. I didn't realize that she was standing right outside my door. She opened up my door in a rapid yet aggressive manner. "Marion! Why are you sobbing?" Those words pierced my soul to the heart. "That letter... is my call of deployment. Mom, I'm being called to war!" My face rested on my knees which were propped up against the wall. "Mary, you're going to have to leave?"

My eyes glanced over the letter that I sat on the nightstand next to my bed. "Okay." My mother did not seem to even be phased at the fact that I was going to have to risk my life flying old rust buckets. I'd most likely die, but she didn't seem even phased by it. "Mom, don't you realize I can die! I will die!" My eyes teared up knowing that I would soon be meeting the grim reaper. "Mary, you are fine. Get out! Get out of the house!" She pointed to the side of the house with the front door. She's kicking me out! I'm so not smart! What the heck am I doing? My own mother just kicked me out because I'm a pilot and I just got deployed. I'm so useless and I'm such a monster. What the heck has gotten into me? I looked up, and saw her red face. She was mad at me -pure mad at me. Ahh schnitzel! Schade! I was dying. Goodness I am so stupid. My mind only thought of what the worst case scenario would be. I had no idea then that I would meet the most kind and best looking pilot on the planet -Nicholas Schneider. He is now my worst distraction and the best one too. I want to give him what he deserves, but I cannot. Some part of me has a feeling he is still out there.

My mother did not seem to care much. What am I worth anyways? Definitely something. Opening that letter was the worst moment of mine... but isn't it what I make it into? Yes. As my mind returned back to the present moment I could not help but finally be able to think with a clear mind. All of the grim, gross, and bloody images left my mind. The replay of the wounded soldier returned to my mind, but immediately left. It was as if I had a new strength. I wanted to prove people wrong. The theory was to prove everyone who hated me, despised me, and even accused me all wrong. It was beyond bizarre finally having this mind switch. I could not even fathom staying in that state of psychosis. It made it purely impossible to fly. The image of Nick came to my mind and I immediately remembered his soft kisses that soothed my aching soul. I remembered dancing to the romance music at the farewell party. It really has felt as if I have seen the world. I remember what it felt like being held by him, kissed, hugged. That electrifying feeling was still present in my veins this morning as I fought the feelings -as I fought the depression.

I fought the thought to get into the plane, but I managed to sit back down in the cockpit seat. This jet was an agile beast. She was secretive, built to take a bullet or two. As I buckled my seatbelt I could not help but feel Nick's hands wrap around my back just like they did that night, the final one I saw him. I remember his lips kissing mine and how happy I was just being with him. Reality hit yet again and I realized that he wasn't there. As I recollected my thoughts, I was able to engage the cockpit controls. My sore hand pulled back on the stick. I remember the way he held me -held me tight. Every moment I had with my love was the best one ever. Every way he touched me while hugging was embedded into the depths of my brain. I love him... always and forever.