Only For You

XXXVII) Marion: That is the End of Her

The sound of jets could be heard for miles and miles. The rumble shook the ground and the smell of burning jet fuel scarred the nose. The scent of burning planes filled the air and became stronger as time went on. Rotored helicopters even fell from the sky as the time went by. I truly felt the burden of it all. Maybe this war is my fault -I am the one who is keeping the war going. The female pilot who is just making a fool of herself in front of the whole world. My mind went blank as I pulled another corner to avoid the Mig coming off in the distance. I truly felt that connection boast itself back into my soul. The beautiful sunset made me feel better about both myself and the world around me. Maybe I was really meant to be a pilot -a darn good one. The hardest part involved the pain in my stomach, brain, and back. That epiphany really hurt my soul.

Deciding that I wanted to live was not an easy choice. Most people would think it would be easy, 'you choose your life over dying.' However, in a war like this it wasn't ever easy. In the end my mind went completely flooded with thoughts about Nick. How could I get him off my mind? Impossible. Why couldn't I get him off my mind? In love. When did this train wreck hit me? Meeting him. Who is he? Cute pilot Nick Schneider. What can I do to get him back? Absolutely nothing. How does it feel? Terrible. What can I do to rid myself of the pain? Die. When does love take the place of the blood flowing through the veins? Meeting a nice pilot. How do you make yourself sick? Love.

My heart raced as time went on and my plane seemingly kissed the outside air. I could clearly tell my fuel gauge was not reading normally. "Lynx, clear to land!" The officer gave me permission to finally land. That was at least somewhat of a relief on my shoulders. My hands glided across the cockpit window as I hopped out of the plane. As the wind gently brushed the hair of my shoulders, I felt that change in temperature. "They want us to raid now!" One of the Lieutenants said very quickly. I glanced at his badge that read 'Lt. Broderick.' He really had deep eyes with broad shoulders. This man towered over my five foot five body. No one would want to mess with him, that's for sure. As he pumped the 100LL into my aircraft all of the thoughts returned again. Why such a tragedy? War. What is this ending? Death, death, and more death. Who am I? Just a lonely female pilot who's hopelessly in love in the middle of a war, but the depression is getting the best of her. Whatever happened to the concept of 'happily ever after?' Ceases to exist, they lied. Who is the love of my life? Nick, my one and only Nick, Mr. Nur Für mich. I will never love anyone else. How can I get him back? Cannot, reincarnation isn't in my power. Why am I such a pessimist? Born that way. What am I thinking? Irrationally. How do I deal with the dreams of it -the war, him? Cannot. Why do I fly? Freedom. Am I forced? Forced to fight? Yes, drafted. What do I want? The love of my life, Nick. Why do I keep my emotions locked up in a jar? Too embarrassed. What do you feel? Sadness, anger... How much longer can I hang on? Not much more. My memories with my love? Kissing. Hugging. Comfort. When will this end? When I die.

As the thoughts sort of finished up I heard the young Lieutenant say my name in a very sharp manner, "Wright!" I still did not come back around from my thoughts. I was in a mental trance of 'lala land.' His voice echoed in my ears again saying, "Hey Wright! Are you okay? I'm going to get them for you!" The cacophony of a voice this guy had really provided a vociferous few seconds. He was referring to the hoses on the ground. "You're such a dumb..." he began to ramble off. "Shut up! I don't want to hear it. I'm here to fly, not to argue about random things." My mouth said very irrationally. Maybe I really am dumb. My mind thought. "Headwinds are strong out there, so be careful." His voice finally seemed to calm down, or did it?