All Of Us Are Ghosts Here (Jegulus / Wolfstar Fic)

Two ~ The Day That Started It All

Regulus~

TW: Negative self-talk, diminishment of trauma.

If Sirius had turned his head, had looked behind him instead of in front, he would have seen the pale, silent boy.

But he didn't. Sirius never looked behind him unless someone reminded him. Never looked at his past unless he was forced.

So Regulus slipped past him onto the train. He left his brother, and the tall boy with the scars, the short boy with everything, and the boy who owned his heart. The boy that started it all. He felt a pair of eyes on him, the pair that always followed him, even when he couldn't meet them sometimes.

He got on the train and hid. It's all he ever did. All he's ever done.

...

The kitchens had always been Regulus' place. Since his first year, the night his brother finally gave up on him.

He knew all the house-elves by name by the end of term. Had a stool sitting out, just for him. They came to expect him at night, when the nightmares chased him from his dorm room.

In the four years he'd been going, he never saw another soul. Never, until the night of October 29th. The morning of the thirtieth, technically.

He was cross-legged on the stool, reading. He was always reading, escaping. One of the many ways he hid.

The house-elves were going insane getting ready for the Halloween feast. Maybe that's why he didn't notice James until he was right next to him.

"Whatcha readin'?" The boy with the glasses asked.

You are ruined.

You have destroyed everything.

Nobody cares what you think, so keep it to yourself.

He held up the book to let James see the cover.

Mouth shut tight, never say a word.

Good.

"I didn't know you read muggle books," the boy mused.

He looked up then. Tilted his head. Hoped the boy could read the question in his eyes. He could. Because of course he could. He was James Potter, he could do anything.

"The Iliad? C'mon, if you're gonna read Homer, at least read the Oddessey. Ten times better."

Against his better judgment, Regulus opened his mouth. "But the Illiad has-"

Nobody cares, Reggie. Don't make me curse you.

He shut up. To the Potter boy's credit, he didn't push. Just shrugged. "Should go," he said, backing away with a tray of snacks now in hand. One of the house-elves must have gotten it for him. Regulus didn't care enough to ask about it. "Get some sleep, yeah?" He threw over his shoulder as he left.

Some days, he wished James hadn't returned the next night. Merlin, everything would have been easier that way. But, of course, he did come back. Because he was James Potter, the infamous savior of Gryffindor.

Thing was, Regulus didn't want to be saved. He was alive. He survived. And there were so many others in much worse conditions. What right did he have to complain?

So he decided, right after James had left the third night. He would not let the Gryffindor boy save him. He would stand up and walk out if James returned the next night. Let him save someone else, because Regulus was fine. He was fine.

Needless to say, he didn't walk out. And so they continued.