All Of Us Are Ghosts Here (Jegulus / Wolfstar Fic)

Twelve ~ The Imploding Stars

James~

TW: Nothing big this time, some references to a minor panic attack

James had always respected his headmaster. He trusted him, knew that Dumbledore would fight tooth and nail to protect his school and his world. James idolized the man, wanted to be just like him. Dumbledore was the reason he wanted to become an Auror, to fight in the war and help people.

However, as he left his headmaster's office that day, he felt none of that respect. All James could feel was anger, hot and sharp in his throat.

Because how dare he try to use Reg for information.

Maybe it was because of that anger that he didn't notice something was wrong with the brothers.

The first clue he missed was that Sirius didn't protest when Pete invited Regulus up to their dorm to study.

The second clue, and honestly the most obvious, was that Regulus agreed.

So when, after a silent and awkward trek up to the Gryffindor dorms, both boys broke down, it came as a complete shock to James.

Sirius was sitting on his bed, knees to his chest. Remus had already moved to sit next to him, saying something that James couldn't hear.

He knew he should be more worried for his friend. It wasn't that he wasn't concerned, but he knew that Remus was the best equipt to handle him. James didn't get it, but Remus had this way of calming Sirius down that nobody else had.

It meant that James was free to help Regulus, who wasn't as obvious in his distress. Honestly, if James didn't know him better he'd have thought that there was nothing wrong with the boy. Reg was good at hiding his emotions, but not good enough to fool James.

He could tell by the slight shake in his hands, the fact that he kept pushing a stray curl behind his ear with just a bit more force than normal. It was in the way he pulled out The Iliad from his bag instead of one of their school books, despite the fact that he was always working ahead. James knew, as his star sat against a wall and read the same page over and over again, that Regulus was tearing himself apart inside. He just needed to know why.

Reg stiffened as James eased down onto the ground next to him.

"I need to get a book from the library," he said, trying to come up with an excuse to get him out of there. "Come with?"

The pale boy shook his head, and James ignored the little pang in his chest as he tried again. "Please, Reg." His voice was soft, even though it was doubtful that any of the others were listening.

Regulus hesitated for a minute, before finally nodding. James stood, holding his hand out to help the boy. Said boy ignored him, pushing himself off the ground with far more grace than should be allowed.

"We're gonna head to the library," James said to Remus, who had been looking at the two with a puzzled expression. "Does anyone need anything?"

...

James led his star down the corridors in silence, being sure to avoid the most crowded ones.

Finally, after fifteen minutes of walking, he found the room he was looking for.

It was an abandoned classroom, one that was used for charms in his first year before Sirius managed to break all of the windows. They were fixed now, but the class had been moved and the room had been used to store old furniture ever since.

James had been coming there for years, whenever he needed a moment to just be himself. It was really only a matter of time before he took Regulus there, but he did wish it had been under better circumstances.

James plopped down on an old yellow couch, gesturing for Reg to sit in the chair next to him. He did, looking around the room as if something was going to jump out of the shadows at any moment.

"What's going through your head right now?" He asked the boy, who just looked at him. "C'mon, Reg. I know you better than you think I do. Something's wrong, I can tell."

"It's nothing," He said. "I just..." He trailed off. James looked at him, waiting for him to continue. After a moment, he did. "I just don't like Dumbledore. Don't trust him. It's stupid."

"It isn't stupid, lov- Regulus," he corrected himself. "It's not stupid. I'm not always sure I like him either. I don't think that's all that's wrong, though. What else is going on?"

The boy just shook his head, and James knew he wouldn't get anything else out of him. Once Reg was done talking, he was done. Nobody could make him start again.

"I know you don't believe me, but I am your friend, and I care about you. Whenever you want to talk, I'm here to listen. Ok?" He looked at the boy, who wouldn't meet his eyes. After a moment, he nodded. It felt like a weight off of James' back.

They might never be what they were before, and James knew that. But he wouldn't stop trying, because as much as his Regulus liked to act like he was fine alone, he wasn't. He might not want James as a... well, whatever they had been, but he needed friends. And James would be that for him, even if he was never able to be anything else.

((Ngl, I don't like this part very much. Oh well, you win some, you lose some.

Time for some shameless self promo cause I'm the author and I can do that >:D

I just published the first few parts of a short story I'm working on called "Of Stones and Spears." It's a Patroclus and Achilles story that I've been working on for the past few months. I'm really proud of it so far. If you like greek mythology and gay yearning, go read it!

I know I do this a lot, but I want to say thank you again to everyone who reads my work. It means the world to me. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever fully be able to express my gratitude and love for you all. 

That's all for now, and as always:

Dont @ me ))