All Of Us Are Ghosts Here (Jegulus / Wolfstar Fic)

Three ~ The Moon And The Stars

Remus~

TW: Negative self-talk, minor mentions and hints towards abuse (physical and mental)

Sitting across from Sirius on the train was a special sort of torture, as far as Remus was concerned.

It's not like he disliked him. It was the opposite, really. Remus thought of Sirius and he felt his heart flip.

No, it was torture because, despite his best efforts, their legs were destined to be tangled. Their legs were tangled, and touching, and Remus thought he might die. But Sirius was straight. Of course he was. And even if he hadn't been, nothing would happen between them. Because Sirius was Sirius. Sirius was the boy who danced with the moon. He was the brightest in the sky, near blinding in his radiance.

Remus was just... well, Remus. A monster. That's all he would ever be, and that was ok. Really, it was.

It didn't bother him that sometimes, after a particularly hard full moon, Pete looked at him with eyes just a little wider than usual. It didn't bother him that James treated him like a porcelain doll the day after. And it definitely didn't matter that Sirius never met his eyes for more than a few seconds.

None of it mattered. He didn't blame them, anyways. At least they kept his secret. And they loved him. He knew that. The Marauders were his family. Even if, some days, he felt like he was tearing them apart.

The moons made him sick, and of course, there was one in a little under a week. His stomach seemed to want to climb up out of his throat, and the jostling of the train only made it worse.

"Moons, you alright?" James asked, nudging his foot.

Remus only nodded. He knew from experience that talking would make him throw up, and spending the rest of the ride covered in vomit sounded... unpleasant, to say the least.

"Full moon soon, Prongs. 'Course he's not alright," came Sirius' voice, causing Remus to look up.

Grey eyes, almost blue, met his. Remus counted in his head. One. Two. Three. Fo-

Sirius looked away.

He always looked away first, and it didn't hurt. At all. It was like his father always said. Who could love a monster?

Remus' eyes flicked to James, who opened his mouth to say something, only to be distracted by a thud outside the compartment door.

Then came a knock. Three of them, sharp and quick.

Remus could feel, more than see, Sirius tense. James went pale. Peter and Remus exchanged a confused look before Pete leaned over to open the door.

In the doorway, hand still raised, as if to knock again, stood Regulus Black. Skinnier than ever, pale as a ghost. Covered in bruises. Eyes on Sirius.

"Holy fuck," Peter murmured, earning a glare from James.

"Reg," Sirius said, his voice nearly a whisper it was so quiet. He cleared his throat. "What happened to you?"

The ghost boy's eyes were haunted, just standing there, almost as if he never heard his brother speak. Like he wasn't even there.