All Of Us Are Ghosts Here (Jegulus / Wolfstar Fic)

Thirteen ~ The Dark Rolls In

Sirius~

TW: Panic attack, also mentions of abuse (kinda)

The walls were closing in on him, and he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.

He hadn't grasped how close he'd been to losing his little brother until Dumbledore questioned him. Regulus could have died.

His parents stopped caring if he lived a long time ago, but Reg? He'd always been the golden child. He had always been their favorite. If Walburga and Orion Black were capable of love, Regulus was the one who received it.

But they would have killed him. Because he crossed them, stood up to them. Refused the dark mark. Committed the worst sin a Black could commit.

His little brother, who used to fingerpaint and giggle and fall asleep with his head on Sirius' shoulder. His little brother, who stood by and watched out of fear, not spite. His little brother, who he hadn't seen happy in years. He could have been killed. He still could, knowing how persistent their parents were.

Distantly, Sirius was aware of a presence next to him, a hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. He heard a soft voice, but he didn't know what was being said.

He was falling apart. And last time this happened, last time-

This is why he never thought of the past.

"Sirius," he heard, as if from a world away. "Sirius, I need you to focus." It was Remus, and his voice became the anchor Sirius needed. Remus, who wouldn't let anything happen to him. Remus, who he trusted more than anyone.

"I need you to take deep breaths, yeah? In for five, out for seven. Just like I taught you." And Sirius tried, he tried to fill his lungs but they wouldn't listen, and his brother could die, and Sirius was truly starting to hate himself because it was his fault. If he had stayed, if only he'd-

"Sirius." His voice was like cold water, though it was still soft, concerned. It brought him back from wherever he'd gone in his mind, back to the present. "Just focus on counting, alright? I'm right here."

And so he tried again, the counting and breathing and calming down. And his lungs started to work again, little by little.

Sirius was still afraid. More than that, he was terrified for his little brother. But Remus was there, and Regulus was safe for now, and right then, everything was alright. He just had to get back there.

As if a switch had flipped, Sirius could move his limbs again, and he wrapped his arms around Remus and held tight, and Remus held him too, and everything would be alright.

They stayed that way for a long while, Sirius' face buried in the wool of Remus' jumper. When he finally pulled away, he noticed they were alone.

"James and Regulus went down to the library, Pete's downstairs," Remus explained. "Feeling a little better?"

He nodded. "I don't- I would rather not talk about it, if that's alright."

"Of course. Hey, what do you think about a family game night? I think we could all use one right about now," Remus asked.

"That... sounds fun, actually. Can we-" He stopped, and Remus looked at him expectantly. "Can we invite Reg?"

Remus looked confused, but he nodded. "Course we can, Pads."

And Sirius knew that for now, he was alright. He had his friends, his family, and he was alright.

Sirius Black was many things, but alone was not one of them.

((Next part is a happy one, I swear.

Btw, I'm American. I'm trying to use the right British words and all that, but it's tricky since I'm not from there. 

All that to say, (say it with me now folks) Don't @ me :D

Oh, and have I mentioned that I'm writing another story? I have? Oh well. You should check it out anyway.

See ya!!))