Ishq-e-Watan

Chapter 19- Introspection

CHAPTER 19

INTROSPECTION

Monami groaned as sunlight shone on her face. She rolled over, burying her face in the pillow. Sunlight? She opened her eyes, turning her head slightly. The curtains were drawn open, sunlight filtering in through the window.

She shot up. She froze as the world swayed a little. Her head pounded and she gently massaged her forehead. She looked at the clock. 7:42. Her eyes popped out. "No. No, no, no!" She muttered. "Maine drill kaise miss kar di?" She moaned softly. "Mera sar!" She reached for her water bottle, pausing when she was the medicine bottle and a note. She picked it up.

'Sar dukh raho hoga. Dawaai rakhi hai. Le lena. Drill cancel ho gayo hai. Toh chinta mat kar. -Sanju'

Drill cancelled? What the hell happened? She picked the bottle up, popping a painkiller in with water. Her nose scrunched up as she swallowed it. It was bitter. She took a deep breath.

'Okay... Monu, soch, kal raat kya hua tha?' She closed her eyes. 'Party mein gayi thi. Bahut saara khaana khaaya tha. Kitna achha pasta tha. And that chocolate ice cream...' She shook her head slightly. 'Focus, Monu. Phir... Phir washroom gayi thi. Phir... Phir kya hua tha?' She sighed a little. 'Yaad kar, Monu. Kya hua tha?'

'I like being carried. Aapko pata hai? Mujhe logon ko hug karna, unke paas rehna, kitna zyaada pasand tha? I... I miss that. Bina dare kisi ko zor se hug karna. I miss that.'

'Jis din aankhein uthaakar, nazre milaakar, apna jazbaa dikha diya, na, achhe achhon ki aankhein neeche ho jayengi.'

'Ek din log tumhe salute karenge aur dushman tumhaare aage apni aankhein jhukaayenge. Yeh mera vaada hai tumse. Main tumhe utna confident banauga, utna kaabil banauga. I promise.'

Her eyes snapped open. Did that really happen?

---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---x---

'Aapko pata hai? Mujhe logon ko hug karna, unke paas rehna, kitna zyaada pasand tha? I... I miss that. Bina dare kisi ko zor se hug karna. I miss that.'

'Par jo hua, jo... jo dekha, jo mehsoos kiya, use... use bhool nahi paa rahi. I want to forget. I... I want freedom. Iss darr se, inn... inn memories se j-jo mujhe h-hamesha haunt karti hain, iss... iss weakness se. I don't want to be weak anymore. I want to be free.'

'Yeh mera vaada hai tumse. Main tumhe utna confident banauga, utna kaabil banauga. I promise.'

Karan swallowed a gulp of his coffee. He tapped his bedside table idly, the words flashing in his mind over and over again. He pulled his phone out, keeping the coffee on the table. He paused to think for a second, his thumbs hovering over the keypad. He finally started to type. How to help someone with PTSD.

He opened up the first article, beginning to read. He grabbed a notebook, flipping to an empty page. He uncapped a pen, beginning to write in his scratchy handwriting.

Tips To Help:

1. Learn about her triggers and keep them in mind to make her feel safe and comfortable. Already known: people, touch.

2. Learn what makes her feel safe. Example- verbal assurances. Already known: coffee calms her down.

3. Encourage her. She can do anything she sets her mind to. She needs to believe she can. [Note- Get the thought out of her head that she is weak. Stupid thought.]

4. Appreciate her. She needs the confidence. Do NOT overdo it. She would not like it. She would feel weird and uncomfortable. Make it subtle. Make it genuine. A 'good job', 'you did well' would suffice. Do NOT do it in front of everyone. She would feel uncomfortable at the attention.