Ishq-e-Watan

Chapter 90- The Storm Calms

CHAPTER 90

THE STORM CALMS

"I talked to Monami, you know", Param said. Karan lifted his gaze in interest. Monami always ran away from him. He tilted his head in surprise. "I was surprised too, but I guess woh itna upset thi ki main usse zyaada probably use upset kar hi nahi paata."

He winced. He might still not be happy with her actions but he didn't like her upset. She was meant to be smiling and happy and gushing about her books, not being so upset. And she was meant to come to him if she was. Except he was part of the reason she was. "I figured she would be", he admitted quietly. "I... I was angry at her. I told her... uss terrorist ne use... uski jaan ko spare kara hai." Param winced. He didn't reprimand him though, merely sighing.

"She thinks tu use hate karta hai."

"That's ridiculous. Doesn't she know I..." The thought was laughable. Hate? How could he hate her? Doesn't she know how precious she was to him? Doesn't she know how much he loved her? Doesn't she know the reason he was so scared was because she was the only one who could bring him to his knees, make him beg. He would. He would beg for her life, for her safety. Except she didn't. Because he had never told her. And because he hid it. He sighed.

"She doesn't", Param said gently.

He wanted her to know, but... not tell her. If that made sense. He wanted her to know, but... he didn't want to admit it because telling her would confirm it and telling her would make her feel uncomfortable and it would be complicated and he wanted it to be anything but. He heaved another sigh. "Kitna complicated hai yeh sab", he complained. "I want to... I want to be with her, but... main nahi chahta kisi ko bhi uske baare mein pata chale."

"You can always hide it", his brother said. "Tum dono achhe ho jhooth bolne mein."

Karan looked at him incredulously. "Do you really think agar main use jaakar bolunga ki main usse pyaar karta hoon, woh khushi khushi meri girlfriend ban jaayegi?"

"Haan", he said bluntly. He blinked. "She was more worried that you hate her, Chhote. Not even ki tune uspar gussa kiya yaa jo bhi, just the simple fact that you hate her. Sounds like she, at least, has feelings for you. And anyone can see it too, pata hai? Jitna khush hoti hai woh tujhe dekhkar, jaise wait karti hai teri-"

"Bhaiya", he interrupted, exhaling loudly. He didn't want to tempt himself. He would confess when it wasn't as much of a risk. He would confess when it was time to, which it wasn't.

"Har cheez itni calculatingly karne ki zaroorat nahi hoti hai, Karan", he said softly. "Sometimes, you can decide something for yourself, even if it is selfish."

"Just because I want something, Bhaiya, uska yeh matlab nahi hai main uske consequences nahi sochunga", he argued back softly. "I love her. I do. I want to be with her. But... main baaki sab disregard nahi kar sakta. Main nahi consequences ko ignore kar sakta."

"The consequences jo tu soch raha hai, are just 'what if's", he said. "Calculatedness apni personal life se bahar nikaal. Kabhi kabhi apne emotions ke saath jaane-"

"I don't want to talk about this", he interrupted. "It's my choice. Main bataunga use, jab main chaahon, jaise main chaahon."

"Of course teri choice hai par-"

"Toh bas karo, na?" He said. "Please. I have... I have enough to think about abhi. Nawaz, the plan ahead, bomb blasts, even jo meri aur Monami ki baat hui hai iss sab ko lekar. She's not going to be happy with me, and I need to deal with it too. Mujhe aur cheezen mat do sochne ke liye."

His brother fell quiet, nodding unhappily. He wanted him to think about it. He would. He would take his words into consideration. Just not now.

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