Ishq-e-Watan

Chapter 117- Uneasiness

CHAPTER 117

UNEASINESS

Sanju couldn't stop pacing. She had gone after him, but he had disappeared- not his room, not his mess, not the terrace- and even after the lights out, she had gone to his room, and Bala had told her Sid had already fallen asleep. So, she had returned, defeated, to her own room, but sleep didn't come easy, and she laid awake almost all night. Drills were a torture too, because Sid behaved normally, greeting her, as if the night before didn't happen. But she could see the unhappiness shining in his eyes. The troubled look she hadn't noticed past her own troubled thoughts. What sort of girlfriend was she? To not even be able to see how unhappy he had become?

She had wanted to talk to him during lunch, but he was with the rest of the cadets, hastily eating with books on their laps as they prepared for their next lesson on Strategy with Karan. He had noticed she was there, and he offered her a smile but he didn't get up to greet her, as he normally would have. She left him to it, deciding dinner was her chance.

And now, the time for dinner was crawling closer, and she couldn't stop pacing. What should she say? She was sorry? No. Sid would, for sure, tell her it was forgiven but the glint of unhappiness would remain.

'Keh do you are just not interested in me anymore, Sanju!'

She sat down on her bed. How had it all gone so wrong? But perhaps, she knew. She hadn't been able to stomach the threat, not taken it in stride the way the three majors have seemed to. For once, Sanju's brashness wasn't affecting her, injuring her. It was threatening someone else. And she knew it wasn't true, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she can almost see Karan- sensible, calculative, practical Karan- staring at her in disapproval. She hated that. And so, seeing Siddharth had made her feel guilty, afraid and unsure, and she had run away from those feelings by avoiding him. She just hadn't expected him to be so bothered about it.

But she would fix it. This was her fault. She would amend things.

And so, when dinner rolled in, and the cadets ate dinner separately for once, she stepped into the mess, rubbing the sweat off her palms on her clothes. Siddharth was sitting with Monami, chasing his food with his fork. He had been quite clingy with Monami all day- the only indication to anyone else that something was bothering him. Both of them had a tendency to do that.

She stepped closer. Both looked up, offering smiles, but one was slightly sympathetic and the other fake. "Mujhe... Mujhe Karan se milna hai. I'll see you both baad mein", she said lowly. She stared at Sid, seemingly telling him something with her eyes. "Remember what we talked about, Sid."

He hummed. "Jaa tu. Meri chinta mat kar. Main raat ko milta hoon tujhse."

Sanju pursed her lips. Hopefully, she would be able to pacify enough that Sid won't be tempted to oblige to that statement. "Siddharth", she started, taking the seat Monami had vacated. She wanted to explain, to apologize, but words rarely came easy to her, so instead, she asked- quite stupidly, "kaisa tha din tera?"

"Theek tha", he said. "Kaafi busy tha."

She hummed. "Isliye... Isliye milne naa aa paao humse?"

"Aap waise bhi busy chal rahi hain", he threw out carelessly. "And it's been so long since I spent some time with the cadets." That was a lie and they both knew that. In her month of absence, of course Sid had been with the cadets. "Tumhe khaana nahi khaana?"

"Bhookh naa hogo."

He frowned, eyeing her. "You are injured", he scolded lightly, pushing his own plate towards her. "You should eat. Warna theek kaise hoge?" She looked at it and the food barely looked as unappetizing as a rock. How could she eat when he was so unhappy with her? When she looked up, he seemed to be knowing exactly what she was thinking. "Tumhe meri baat ka itna bura nahi maanna chahiye." She swallowed. "I am used to not being a priority."