Ishq-e-Watan

Chapter 99- The Grey Acceptance

CHAPTER 99

THE GREY ACCEPTANCE

Chitra wasn't sure what to do. The conversation with Karan had kind of toppled over the barely kept lid she had been keeping on her emotions. It was like an itch, a blanket of dread that was in the back of her mind, looming. She needed to talk now.

'Do you think it's wrong?'

Karan didn't bring it up again, but it didn't escape her notice that he was the one who walked her back every day after that. The day after the conversation, he had seemed a little on edge- or maybe she was making it up, because he had done everything he did on a normal day- and the day after, he just seemed busy- texting on his phone even as he walked her back. The day after, though, the evening of their second day of physical exams, he seemed less occupied. Chitra had run out of excuses not to talk to him.

Karan paused when she turned the corner to his room, eyeing her, but he took the change of direction in stride, walking next to her. It also didn't escape her notice how he was a little straighter after that, watching her quietly. He opened the door, letting her in and gestured her to sit on his chair and gave her a glass of water. She accepted it, slightly less freaked out than last time. "I wanted to talk."

"I figured", he said, not unkindly. Chitra squeezed the glass of water, now empty.

"I don't think it's... wrong, exactly. I mean, emotional manipulation, in general", she said. He hummed, sitting down on Faizi's chair, waiting quietly. "It's part of the war, right?" He shrugged a little, nodding. "Does this bother you?"

"Emotional manipulation?" He asked. She nodded. "Not really. Not this part. Emotional manipulation isn't just about touching someone's sympathies ya kuchh. You manipulate them jab tum unke anger par play karte ho, unke hatred par. It doesn't just work on the good part. For me, what you are doing is the same, in principle, as riling them up. So, no, I don't think it's wrong and no, this part doesn't bother me."

She tilted her head. "But others do?"

"Some do", he admitted. "Some, more than others."

"What bothers you?"

He exhaled, looking away. "I'd... I'd rather not answer that", he said. Chitra nodded, looking down. Karan wasn't like her. He has been on actual missions. He must have seen pretty traumatic stuff. God, she would have broken down, probably, if she had found her informer's arm in a damned parcel, especially if the rumors were to be trusted that Karan was close to him. He had just stalked out, hours later, head held high, determined to do whatever was his plan. "Does this bother you?" She looked up. "Sahil se baat karna?"

She swallowed. She preferred calling him 'the guy'. Dehumanized him. "Can you not take his name?" He nodded. He didn't ask. He probably knew. "Usse baat karna nahi bother karta mujhe. It's just... he's not a bad person. But he's had a shitty life. And... I want to help him. And we are just... sending him back there. Isn't that what we are supposed to do? Help people?"

He hummed, leaning back. "Have you considered ki maybe jo bhi usne kara hai, he wants to make up for it? That he wants to help?"

She stared at him. "Of course, we are making him believe that."

"Why do you think we picked them specifically?" He asked. "It's not random. He was still miserable, being a terrorist. Generally, people who genuinely believe ki jo woh kar rahe hain, woh sahi hai, woh necessary hai, woh karna chahte hain woh, they aren't miserable. Angry, sarcastic, rough, determined. He isn't any of them. He's just... miserable. I won't say we are particularly... helping him but... he doesn't want to particularly help us either, does he?"